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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23311342">i don't blame you if you want to bury me in your memories</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_dragonfly/pseuds/blue_dragonfly'>blue_dragonfly</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adora (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friend Squad (She-Ra), Bisexual Glimmer (She-Ra), Cat/Human Hybrids, Catra (She-Ra) Leaves the Horde, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, Catra (She-Ra)-centric, Corruption, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Catra (She-Ra), Lesbian Disaster Adora (She-Ra), Lots of drama, M/M, Magic, Multi, No Smut, Oblivious Adora (She-Ra), POV Catra (She-Ra), Past Torture, Portals, Princess Catra (She-Ra), Shadow Weaver Sucks, Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra)'s A+ Parenting, Super Pal Trio (She-Ra)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 14:40:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>36,909</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23311342</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_dragonfly/pseuds/blue_dragonfly</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>- you were destined for the glory,</i>
  <br/>
  <i>the honor and the fame.</i>
  <br/>
  <i>i was destined for the bullet,</i>
  <br/>
  <i>to be the gun with no name -</i>
</p><p>All throughout Catra’s life, she was constantly reminded that she was worthless, a nusiance, a pet. No one actually wanted her. So she had resulted, in the end, that the only person she could count on was herself.</p><p>Until the portal happened and it ripped reality apart, Catra stuck in the middle of it. She survived but at what cost. Her friends had left her after and it had been so long since she was actually happy.</p><p>But then what was supposed to be day off turned into a journey travelling through the Whispering Woods, finding her home and family, and realising she's royalty with her own magic. Now, Catra had to fix her mistakes and if going against the Horde and joining the Rebellion was the way to do it, then so be it. </p><p>She just wished someone had told her before that being the hero was never easy. </p><p>SHE-RA S4 REWRITE (SORT OF)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adora &amp; Bow &amp; Catra &amp; Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora &amp; Bow &amp; Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora &amp; Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Angella &amp; Glimmer (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Catra &amp; Double Trouble (She-Ra), Catra &amp; Entrapta &amp; Scorpia (She-Ra), Catra &amp; Glimmer (She-Ra), Catra &amp; Lonnie (She-Ra), Catra (She-Ra) &amp; Original Female Character, Catra/Scorpia (She-Ra), Double Trouble (She-Ra)/Original Female Character(s), Entrapta &amp; Hordak (She-Ra), Entrapta/Hordak (She-Ra), Entrapta/Perfuma (She-Ra), Glimmer &amp; Micah (She-Ra), Kyle/Rogelio (She-Ra), Mermista/Sea Hawk (She-Ra), Netossa/Spinnerella (She-Ra)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>235</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. before you kill the monster you have to say it's name</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello everyone and welcome to my first She-Ra fanfiction. If you have read my other fanfics, this may seem similar to all the other ones because they all have the same plot. My OC is added and makes sure my fave characters don't have the doom life they get in canon plus everyone's gay. </p><p>It's not any different in this one. Here are some notes:</p><p>- The timeline is a bit confusing but it starts in s4. In the summary /notes of each chapter, I will explain what episode this is and what has changed since catra will not be doing any of the canon stuff she does in s4.</p><p>- Adolphine is my OC. She is Catra's younger sister who is the princess of Halfmoon, the kingdom of Magicats. She appears later in the book. She is part wolf/cat (wolf ears and teeth with cat fur and body and her eyes are both). </p><p>- This is Catra-centric because she is my favourite so expect a bunch of angst.</p><p>- This is endgame Catradora too. </p><p>- This timeline may be a bit off from canon so please let me know. </p><p>- In this, Catra and Adolphine are magicats princesses. The plot is bascially that after the portal, Catra is not acting herself and Scorpia tells her to have day off so she goes to the Whispering Woods. There she finds out about her past and bascially leaves the Horde to find out more. It ends off with the part of them going into Horde Prime's ship with Glimmer. it will make more sense when I write it all out. </p><p>- This will continue into s5 once it comes out (hopefully it has catra redeempetion but if it doesn't, i will write that out) </p><p>- If you have any questions, please let me know. I will try not to make it all about my OC and more about the characters. Also some of them will be OOC but I will try not to do that.</p><p>Bye! Leave kudos, comments and bookmark this!</p><p>Gabby</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>- Prologue -</p><p>"be careful of that girl<br/>there's a fire burning inside her eyes<br/>she makes kingdoms fall<br/>and monsters wish they'd never been born"</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
<i>- she was a queen</i><br/>
<i>with neither crown nor kingdom </i><br/>
<i>the most powerful piece on the board</i><br/>
<i>with no moves left to make</i><br/>
<i>so she overturned the table -</i><br/>
<b>________________________________________</b><br/>
</p>
</div><p>
A scarlet red mask burning with the power of the blood that had been spilt to create it and pouring out with all the magic in it. Thousands of years ago, the crown was forged with the magic from the moon crystal and the blood of the moon goddess. Since then, it has been passed down through the royal family by generation. It used to be a symbol of royalty and brought love into the people’s hearts while also bringing fear into their enemies. Now, the crown was a piece of metal. Lost in the void, like the people that belonged to the crown and the city they once lived in.
</p><p>
Or people assumed so.
 </p><p>
The location of the moon crystal is in the city of Halfmoon where the Magicats lived, which to all outsiders, is a dead city. It's believed that a threat appeared and killed the population along with destroying their city and kingdom. No one knows the true story except the people themselves and to everyone, they are extinct. The story of the Battle of Halfmoon is not in any textbooks and most people by now have forgotten about the battle eighteen years ago.
 </p><p>
If anyone had paid more than half a second in going over whatever rumour was being spread around about the battle, people would have figured out it made no sense.  The people of Halfmoon were no cowards and did not give up so easily. When something shows up that threatens the existence of a population, there is the choice between fight or flight. It would be obvious to anyone that they would stand up and fight back against the threat. But, no matter how powerful you are, some people are just stronger. The people of Halfmoon were agile and strong but their threat was smarter and had advanced technology. In this case, brains beat brawns.
 </p><p>
The war was brutal and thousands died along with the towns and villages of Halfmoon, the only place standing was the main city. Anyone left standing did not give up until the inevitable happened. Someone slaughtered Queen C'yra in battle, Princess Irma was severely injured and the heir to the throne were missing. The heir was Irma’s child but C’yra had loved them like her own. The disappearance of them would have killed C’yra if she were not already dead.
 </p><p>
In the end, you have to think about what is best for your people, your family, your friends, yourself. So if fighting had not worked, the best next thing was to retreat. The people of Halfmoon had built underground bunkers in case of a war, prepared for anything. The evacuation alarms rang throughout the city and anyone still alive fled to the safety of the bunkers. The enemy did not believe there were many left of their kind so they left as well with victory but they were wrong. Children, elderly and anyone else who could not fight were already underground when the battle had begun and that was around fifty percent of their population. Ten percent of those fighting survived. It was not a lot left but it was enough to keep the species alive.
 </p><p>
Once the battle had ended and the enemy had left, the moon crystal, hidden away in its chamber, sensed the damage on it's home. It knew what it had to do. If the Magicats died, someone would find the crystal or it would die by itself. It was better to die doing something worthy. So, the moon crystal, draining its power, spread it throughout the city and created a barrier around the perimeter of Halfmoon to protect it. From the outside, no one would see a city and so everyone inside would be safe. And so the Isolation of Halfmoon began.
 </p><p>
The main city of Halfmoon was Elara, named after their first queen. It was the only place that was not destroyed in the battle. The soccerers in the Magicat population spread an illusion spell across the city so no outsiders could find it. It didn't bother the enemy because he had gotten everything he needed. The royal crown and twenty children who would either be soldiers or sent to the labs for testing. Magic was a power the threat needed to have and the moon crystal had forged the crown of the queen itself, a strong magic.
 </p><p>
It was funny how the enemy did not realise that the crown itself was not too important. All it did was hold the power securely. If the crown broke though, the magic was inaccessible but the strongest metal in all Eternia and could never break.
 </p><p>
The real power was two gems, passed down to the heir or which ever child is next to be queen. On the seventh night after the royal child is born, three things happen:
 </p><p>
One, a name is chosen by the moon goddess herself who had gifted the moon crystal all those years ago. It is not herself in person but her spirit. The name carves itself in the crown of the royal, on the inside at the top. On the right side of the crown, would be the name the child's birth given name chosen by the parents. When the child grows older, they will carve their chosen name on the left side. There was only one crown created by the magic crystal but the witches of Halfmoon forged many other crowns for the princesses and princes of the royal family. Only the queen, though, gets the scarlet crown. There were other gems as well that were carved from the magic crystal just like the first runestones were. They held less power but still made the royal more powerful then a citizen of Halfmoon.
 </p><p>
Second, the magic examines the child and sees what is inside them, personality and ability wise. The two gems will then glow. One is blue, the colour of Halfmoon, and it is the stabilizer of the power born in the child. The crown gifts the royal with more power added to their individual magic and the blue crystal keeps it under control so it does not overtake the person. Without it, people turn insane with power and it is not a pretty sight.
 </p><p>
The other does not have a specfic colour but will change when given to the next queen. The colour usually matches the colour of the child's aura. This gem is the power in the child. It controls the amount of power to make it comfortable for the magic holder. Without it, the blue gem begins to control other things and the person becomes unable to control themselves.
 </p><p>
With both crystals, it is a power undefeatable. Some wonder why it is that Queen C’yra got killed with only a mortal sword but even gods get tired at some point. She is not forgotten by the Magicats and neither is anyone else who died. There is a room in Halfmoon with all the old queens statues along with the story of Halfmoon.
 </p><p>
The war is there along with the death of Queen C’yra and kidnapping of the daughter of the throne, a mere baby. She was one of twenty children taken by the enemy who were not able to reach the bunkers in time before the evation.
 </p><p>
No one knew where the heir is now, only that Queen C'yra and Princess Irma were the last to see her. The child was with the queen before she died and then taken by the enemy while the princess went to check if anyone was still alive but then she got injured. The two sisters planned to escape Halfmoon and go to the nearest village in hopes that the enemy would realise they were gone and leave. None of them made it there.
 </p><p>
C’yra died, Imra hurt, and the daughter kidnapped by the enemy along with the queen's crown.  She was taken away from their home and people assumed the enemy killed her. The war had destroyed many things but time passed on and so they moved on as well. But without the crown for the queen, the full potential of the royal family could not be reached. The Princess did not give up hope. But soon, she realised the heir was not returning and the new heir was born, another daughter. 

 </p><p>
It has been an old Magicat tradition that the queen's crown is passed down through the royal family. The Queen gets the same crown and the Princess or Prince choose a crown from many that the witches have forged. But, the crown must accept the royal. When it decides it is time, the crown will glow and the royal will place it on their head to accept it back. The gems are entirely different since there are only the two sets of gems. There has never been a need for more since there have never been more than two children born of royalty. The gems are yours to put into the sloats on the crown and use how you please.
 </p><p>
Princess Irma and her children were no exception to this rule. When the eldest was born, her name was C'yra after the queen, but it was a surprise was the baby's magic immediately latched onto the queen's gems. Usually, they wait until they are older and their magic is more formed but it was as if the baby knew she wouldn't have the time to grow up and control her magic.
 </p><p>
What was most was most unexpected was after the war, when the second child was born two years later, named Irma after the Princess. The baby sat there on the seventh day and reached out for the gems sitting on the princess's crown. It was a surprise for everyone and it sent Irma into tears, knowing that her first child was the same as her second, both having powerful magic.
 </p><p>
There was a reason that the queen's crown was taken though. Queen C'yra knew her death was coming during the battle and so she took her crown off and threw it to the child. She hoped wherever they ended up, they could use the crown. It did not work out how they wanted, C'yra's gems fell out of the crown and were never found, lost in the void. It did not appear to her that the enemy might have one of their gems or the crown.
 </p><p>
Queen Irma had sworn on her life that she would avenge her dead sister and her missing child and for everyone else that had died or kidnapped and for the destruction of their home. They would pay for making her eldest child grow up in a different world and for her youngest to grow up in the aftermath of a terrible war, with no sibling or aunt. Irma could feel in her bones that this was not the last time they have seen the Magicats or the crown and their power. She may not be able to stop the enemy but she knew someone else would. The enemy would not get away with what they had done.
 </p><p>
The Horde, <i>Hordak</i>, would pay for what they did.
</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
<b>__________________________________</b>
  </p>
  <p>
<i>“Your time will come, C’yra. Patience is key.<br/>
</i>

<i>Do not lose yourself to the storm.<br/>
</i>

<i>Find the crystals or else your doom is inevitable.”<br/>
</i>
</p>
</div><div class="center">
  <p>

<i>“Do not give up, Irma. Trust in yourself.</i><br/>

<i>The war is not unbeatable.<br/>
</i>

<i>Repair the broken bonds or else losing is unavoidable.”<br/>
</i>

</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello everyone! Quick note. The two children/baby's in this are Catra and Adolphine. Originally, both of them were taken by the Horde and I had both the crowns taken. I also made it so the gems were original to each royal but I changed it up. If you see any mistakes were it mentions two crowns were taken or two babies/heirs were taken, I only mean one was taken. </p><p>Also, if anyone is confused. The mask that Catra wears is the crown for the queen which needs two gems to put in the slots for ultimate power. There are other crowns as well for a princess or prince with gems as well.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. even in dreams my eyes keep searching for you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>- Chapter One -</p><p>A week after the portal incident, Catra has another mental breakdown after Hordak blames her for the portal, again. This happens to be her breaking point and Scorpia and Lonnie find her on the floor in tears. They suggest a break from all her hard work and have a relaxing day off in the Whispering Woods. </p><p>Her break does not go to plan and Catra ends up running into an old lady named Madame Razz who shows her secrets about her past. This makes her have to choose between staying with the Horde or going on a journey to save a kingdom and find her true purpose in life. </p><p>Things just got a whole lot more complicated.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
<i>- mother i have pasts inside me</i><br/>
<i>i did not bury properly.</i><br/>
<i>some nights, </i><br/>
<i>your daughter tears herself apart </i><br/>
<i>yet heals in the morning. -</i><br/>
__________________________________<br/>
</p>
</div><p>"Ugh!” Catra yelled, throwing her tablet onto the floor, the screen scattering.</p><p>She fell to the floor, tears threatening to escape her eyes but she forced them to stay away. Hordak had just finished yelling at her again for going along with the portal and had assigned her a long report on why it had failed but of course, her tablet wasn’t working. The tears she was holding in felt like they were going to burst but she kept them in. <i>Crying was a weakness and weakness was not allowed,</i> she chanted over in her head, <i>don’t let them see you cry.</i> She pulled at her hair as her breathing shallowed, <i>Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, DON’T CRY.</i></p><p>She found the strength to sit up and wipe her eyes to get rid of her watery eyes. She reached for the tablet on the floor, her fingers trembling as she tried to turn it on. Nothing. This is the fifth tablet she’s broken this week because of her mental episodes. Hordak would not be proud, Scorpia would not be proud, <i>Adora</i> would not be proud. </p><p><i>Adora.</i> Her vision clouded and all she could see was the portal, the damned portal. <i>She</i> was standing there right in front of it. <i>Her</i> voice rang out, <i>WHY DID YOU DO IT? </i> Debris was flying past her into the portal and she tried to run but she was dragged into it anyway. <i>Why did you do it?</i> That was a question even Catra couldn’t answer. All she had wanted was destruction, to see She-Ra and the Rebellion fall, for the world to burn. But now, she was so tired. Sleep seemed like a better option, a permanent sleep.</p><p>Death was always on her mind but she couldn’t do it. Everything she had worked for would be for nothing. There were too many people she would disappoint, Scorpia, Lonnie, her squad, Hordak. She hoped Adora would care if she died but Catra had gone too far with the portal. People had died because of her carelessness, it was too late to come back.</p><p>A warm hand touched her shoulder and her neck snapped up, her teeth barring as a growl was at the tip of her tongue.</p><p>“Woah!” The person was Scorpia and she took a step back, raising her hands, “It’s me. You okay, wildcat?”</p><p>She turned her head away, “I’m fine, Scorpia.”</p><p>“Doesn’t seem like it.”</p><p>Catra spinned her head towards the door where the voice was coming from. It was Lonnie, her arms crossed over her chest and looking at the broken tablet lying on the floor. Her shoulders sagged and Catra stood up on shaky legs, still weak from her rage fit. She tipped to the side but Scorpia was already there, tucking her claws underneath her armpits to keep her upright.</p><p>“I don’t remember asking for your opinion, Lonnie.” She spit back, not in the mood for the girl’s sass. If she hadn’t noticed, Catra was dealing with a mental breakdown so it was not the time for her unappreciated backtalk.</p><p>It didn’t affect Lonnie, her only response was an eye roll, before she moved over to help Scorpia carry her out of the room. Catra would normally fight back, saying she didn’t need help because asking for help was a weakness. Right now, she needs to get back to her room and finish the report that Hordak wanted by tomorrow. <i>The report.</i></p><p>“Wait! I need my tablet,” Catra ordered, “Go back.”</p><p>“Your tablet’s broken, Catra. It’s useless.” Lonnie retorted but Catra slammed her foot onto the girl’s, causing Lonnie to shriek. She would have dropped Catra on the ground if Scorpia wasn’t also there.</p><p>The other girl heaved her up, “You can borrow my tablet, okay? It’s in the barracks, I’ll go get it.”</p><p>“You’re leaving me with <i>her</i>?!” Lonnie says, glancing at the feline in annoyance. Scorpia was already walking away though, smiling at them and leaving the two alone in the hallway.</p><p>Catra sighs, getting herself onto two feet and out of Lonnie’s grasp, “The feelings mutual.”</p><p>Lonnie watches the other girl walk off to her room, seeming completely fine but Lonnie could see her ears had drooped and her tail sat low. She had lived with Catra her whole life, she knew all her quirks. Sighing, Lonnie catches up to her so they are now walking side by side. It surprises Catra but with a glare, the girl drops it. They walk together to Catra’s room in silence until they reach her door and Lonnie speaks up.</p><p>“You should take a break, Catra. You’re working yourself too hard.” She says, moving her hand to her shoulder.</p><p>She flinches away, swatting the hand away and growls, “I know what you’re doing, trying to get rid of me, huh? Just like everyone else.”</p><p>Lonnie’s eyes widen, “What? No, I’m-”</p><p>“Just go, Lonnie.” And the other girl opens her door and slams it behind her, leaving Lonnie on the other side of the door, shocked and still reeling from their conversation.</p><p>Scorpia comes walking down the hallway, a tablet in hand but Lonnie turns away before any questions can be asked. Catra had never spoken to her like that before. Sure, she might have done that a year ago when she wasn’t as close to them but they were more than teammates now. She had seemed so serious, though. Did something happen she didn’t know about? Lonnie knew the portal had affected the girl a great deal but the only one who knew about it was Entrapta and she was gone, rotting away in Beast Island. But her notes, they were still here. She had to find them. Lonnie was not given up on her new found friend so easily.</p><p>Her bed did not ease her pains like Catra wished they would. The visions were still there, hiding in the back of her mind and she had just freaked out at her friend, one of few. Lonnie wasn’t always the nicest but she was good to talk to when she wanted someone who could match her wits. She didn’t even know why she had yelled at her, she was only being kind to her. She gripped her head but there was a knock on her door, rescuing her from her thoughts.</p><p>The door opened without her having to say anything and Scorpia sat down on her bed, resting the tablet on a table. The girl wrapped her arms around Catra and a sad smile stretched across her face. “You should take the day off tomorrow, wildcat. Clear your head so when you come back, you’ll have great plans to take down the Rebellion.”</p><p>She sighed, fiddling with the blanket underneath her, “I don’t know, Scorpia. Hordak won’t be happy with his second in command taking the day off.”</p><p>“I’ll cover for you!” Scorpia pleads and she looks desperate, “I’m worried for you, Catra.”</p><p>That surprises her, staring into her friend’s innocent face. People don’t worry for her and she doesn’t like it when they do. Pity is not something she needs, she doesn’t need people feeling sorry for her. If she got herself into this mess, she will get herself out of it herself, no help needed. But the way Scorpia looked at her, there wasn't pity but instead a worried friend. The hand around her was gentle as if Catra would disappear right in front of her. She knew that Catra sorely needed a break.</p><p>Which was why Catra melted into her friend’s touch and nodded, “Ok...ok. I’ll do it.”</p><p>Scorpia beamed and tightened her hug before letting go. She didn't say anything else but stayed for a while longer, packing stuff Catra would need into a bag. Catra found herself dozing off and a soft kiss was placed on her forehead, startling the girl. Scorpia gave her a genuine smile and left Catra to get ready for the night.</p><p>She didn't bother getting up to grab dinner and tucked herself into bed, too tired to change clothes. She hoped that sleep would come without struggle but she knew that was unlikely. The nightmares would come back to haunt her and she would never be prepared for it. At least they were always about the same things- her friends dead, herself dying, Adora, Entrapta, her failures.</p><p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>_______________________<br/></p>
</div><p>The next day, she grabbed the bag that Scorpia packed for her and walked all the way to where she was supposed to meet her friends. It was the farthest exit and opened into the Whispering Woods so Catra had a guess of where they were sending her. People talked about how dangerous it was but she has been there hundreds of times with Adora, or she had. She hasn't been there since Adora left because the last time, Adora found that stupid sword and ran away. She let her mind wander after that but tried not to overthink this whole situation even though it was suspicious that they had done all this for her. Maybe this was a way to get rid of her. The only reason she didn't bail going was she knew Scorpia would give her that disappointed look. Catra wondered where she learnt that.</p><p>When she reached the door to the outside, everyone was already there. Lonnie didn't look at her when she entered but said, "Scorpia will pilot the skiff there and I'll pick you up at six. Don't be late."</p><p>Then she sauntered away along with Kyle and Rogelio, who gave her a wave. She imagined Entrapta here who would have hugged her tightly, more with her hair than her arms but the thought still made her feel sad. The moment was gone thankfully as Scorpia led her to the skiff. Catra tried not to think of Entrapta or the very blunt conversation she had with Lonnie. It wasn't out of character for her but she was the one who suggested a break, a 'have fun' would have been nice. Not that she would have appreciated the words since she probably would reply with 'don't tell me what to do' and then walk away but now she would get to.</p><p>The trip didn't take long and this time, no one crashed as they landed in the area to the left where it was safe. No creatures that the Horde had spotted. Hopefully, that was enough reassurance and that the creatures weren't hungry for cat meat. Catra wasn’t even sure if Scorpia had put any weapons in her bag or if she would have to rely on her claws and smarts to fight off any threats in the woods. While Catra hopped off the skiff, Scorpia gazed around the woods with her claws on her hips, looking very interested in the scenery.</p><p>Catra was less impressed. The birds chirping were already annoying her and she had stepped in a muddy pile, her feet dirty. She swore she could feel someone watching her from the bushes and she didn’t feel safe. These woods were giving her bad vibes. She would stay of course, for Scorpia, but If she found another magical sword though, she was leaving. It didn’t matter that she would have to climb through the Frightzone, she was not dealing with another sword stealing best friend again. There was already one of them in Etheria and there was no room for another one.</p><p>It didn’t take long for Scorpia to leave her be, telling her that Lonnie would meet her here at six pm sharp. She joked about the girl leaving her if she was late but Catra felt like Lonnie wouldn’t hesitate to leave her in the Whispering Woods. Things had changed since their conversation. Once the skiff left, she found a nice tree to rest again and just sleep. She should have known it was a mistake to sleep in a mysterious area.</p><p>
      <i>Blood. The taste of metal in her mouth yet it was sweet. The stench was horrible and a whimper escaped her mouth. It was deep scarlet red but she realised her head was not the only thing bleeding. The red liquid was splattered everywhere, some it already black from drying out. This was a gory battlefield.</i>
    </p><p>
      <i>Fire. The warmth welcomed her like a mother does her child but it was not a gentle hug she received but a suffocating blanket. It bit and snarled at her and smoke drifted through the air. Ash coated the ground and that’s when she realised something. She was burning. Flames surrounded and she cried out for help.</i>
    </p><p>
      <i>A gunshot echoed but it was not aimed at her. A body fell down and a loud thud sounded, followed by the clanging of metal hitting the floor. The flames disappeared but instead were replaced by cold, rough hands. This was not her mother. She hissed and struggled but the stranger did not let go of her. The stranger bent down to pick something else up.</i>
    </p><p>
      <i>The scarlet red mask. Even in all the violence, it was still as bright as ever. The yellow gem was still there, the power in it dull but still there. The blue gem was missing. It felt like a part of her was gone and she tried to sniff for it but all she could smell was the blood and fire and the stranger’s horrible scent.</i>
    </p><p>
      <i>“Princess C’yra, oh how far you have fallen.”</i>
    </p><p>
      <i>Then there was nothing but black, black, black. And in the distance, a flicker of gold.</i>
    </p><p>Catra awoke abruptly, sweat dripping down her forehead as she tried to catch her breath. Her nightmares consisted of the war, people dying, Entrapta and Adora. Nothing else. She has tried everything to have a normal, weird dream but it seemed all the guilt she buried during the day came out at night. That nightmare she had, with the fire and the blood and the scarlet red mask, was all new to her. She did not remember ever living through that yet it was so vivid and real that she still felt the flames on her fur.</p><p><i>Princess C’yra,</i> the stranger had called her but was that really her in the dream? She was not a princess, that was for sure. Princesses wore dresses and had magic powers and she did not have either. And, her name was not C’yra. It made sense that her real name wouldn’t actually be Catra and that the Horde got lazy when it came to naming her. The name C’yra seemed familiar yet faraway at the same time.</p><p>She decided the only way to get the dream out of her head was to explore the woods and find some monster to battle and get her adrenaline pumping. Catra had been sleeping way too much this past week and hadn’t been out on a proper mission in a while. Her last mission was the portal and since the aftereffect of it was no sleep and a ton of nightmares, she could say that it didn’t go too well. In fact, it was a total bust. Note to self, listen to Entrapta next time. If she was still alive.</p><p>Her pace quickened as the image of her stunning Entrapta and sending her to Beast Island filled her mind. She punched a tree as she walked past and didn’t care if blood trickled from her knuckles and onto the grass. Catra reached for a raition bar from her bag and took a bite out of it, grimacing at the foul taste.</p><p>That was when a hut came into sight that Catra would have ignored if she didn’t feel something in her stomach pulling her towards it. She hoped it wasn’t the raition bar coming back up. She didn’t get to decide what to do though because an old lady with crazy grey hair and purple glasses stepped out of the hut. At first, the lady didn’t notice Catra until she glanced up and a grin appeared on her face as if she recognized her. It was too late to run away for the old lady began to walk closer to Catra.</p><p>“Ah, C’yra. Madame Razz has been expecting you,” The old woman says.</p><p>There was that weird name again but Catra lifted an eyebrow, “Are you Madame Razz? And I'm not C'yra. ”</p><p>The old lady chuckles, “Madame Razz is Madame Razz. Now come, answers await you,” She pauses before staring straight into Catra's eyes, "<i>C'yra.</i>"</p><p>The nerve of this woman. But what the lady said only seemed to confuse her more. She concluded that this lady is Madame Razz, though she has no idea what she wants from her. What sort of answers did she have for her? Would it be about the name, C'yra? She hoped there would be answers about the weird nightmares she was having and that scarlet red mask, too. It was like the one she wore but a brighter red which was unusual since Catra found hers in a dirty old box. She didn't think a second one would have been made.</p><p>Madame Razz walked into her house and Catra followed in behind her, closing the door after like the lady told her to. She inspected the hut, the old couch and the bookshelves and the kitchen that smelled of bread and pie, lots of pie. There was a room in the back which Catra presumed was a bedroom and bathroom, but there was also another door in the living room. It was ivory black and stood out in the hut and so it didn't surprise Catra that Madame Razz made her way to it, motioning for Catra to follow. What she expected when the old lady opened it was some hidden room not another f***ing portal. This made her swear out loud, not caring if there were elderly in the room. She was not going into another portal and told that to the woman.</p><p>The old lady was not having it and pushed her towards the swirling white mess anyway, "Come on, C'yra. You never did like portals much, did you?"</p><p>"Yeah, no I don't like portals, not since I opened one and it almost destroyed reality!" Catra shouts, rage filling her but then adds, "And I told you, my name is not C'yra."</p><p>"Of course it's not," Madame Razz replies as if it's the most obvious thing and the woman hasn't been calling her the wrong name the whole time, "But before you were Catra, you were C'yra."</p><p>This makes her look up, "So I am C'yra?"</p><p>Madame Razz smirks, "Go through the portal and you'll find out."</p><p>"I hate you," Catra snarls but the lady looks satisfied when she puts a foot into the portal.</p><p>She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes. "I'm so going to regret this," she says and then she goes through the portal.</p><p>Everything comes at once, the swirling and dizziness along with the feeling of floating and then nothing at all. Then she opens her eyes a crack and her blood rushes to her head, almost making her fall over but she catches herself. And then she opens her eyes fully and stumbles backwards when she looks at her surroundings. They're in a cave somehow but it’s not empty. There are a bunch of statues and books and pictures covering the walls, intriguing her. </p><p>The lady comes out of the portal and Catra turns to her, "What is this?"</p><p>"This," Madame Razz gestures to everything around them, "is your past and your future, C'yra. Take a look around.” </p><p>She wants to snap back and demand for some answers but her curiosity gets the better of her like usual. She finds herself walking over to where the pictures are on the wall. They’re photos of random things, people, plants but the ones that interest here are photos of a few kingdoms. Catra recognizes most of them, like Brightmoon, Kingdom of Snows and Dryl but there is one at the very end, which most people would overlook, that grabs her attention.</p><p>At first, it only appears to be a mountain covered in trees and grass with a patch of snow at the peak but with closer inspection, there is an arch at the bottom with a gate which suggests that there is something inside there. Catra spends so much time looking at the picture, trying to figure out what is living there that Madame Razz hobbles over, using her broom like a cane. The lady seems to immediately recognize what Catra is looking at.</p><p>“Ah, of course,” Madame Razz says, bobbing her head up and down, “This is the kingdom of Halfmoon and home to the Magicats, your people. It is an underground city to stop unwanted enemies getting in. Once it was a thriving city, the best place to buy weapons and festivals all the time. People called their warriors  undefeatable. If only that were true…”</p><p>Her people? She had never had people before and Catra wanted to let it go so she wouldn’t get too intrigued but it was too late. The lady was doing one of her tricks, ending with a cliffhanger, to make her ask more questions and it was working, “What happened?”</p><p>She takes the picture off the wall to reveal a second photo underneath. “War happened,” the woman says, sighing. All Catra can see in the picture is fire and bodies lying on the floor and guns and swords everywhere and that dream she had comes back.</p><p>
      <i>Fire spreads around her as she chokes on smoke. The pain doesn’t disappear and her head feels warm and she thinks it’s nice until blood splatters to the floor. She’s bleeding. And then a gunshot goes off and someone grabs her and she tries to fight back but she suddenly can’t see anything.</i>
    </p><p>
      <i>And then everything is black. But this time there aren't any gold sparkles, only the darkness.</i>
    </p><p>“C’yra, are you alright dear?”</p><p>Catra stirred from her vision and nodded. Madame Razz didn’t seem content with the answer so she distracted her with a question</p><p>“Where are the Magicats now? Are they all dead?”</p><p>This makes her laugh instead, “Oh, no, no. Not even the Horde could kill them all. Anyone who could not fight evacuated into the bunkers. After the battle, they regrouped and they went into hiding, closing their kingdom off from outsiders. They are protected by a barrier created by their moon crystal.”</p><p>Madame Razz’s answers only seemed to confound her more . It must have shown on her face because the old lady hummed to herself as she walked over to the bookshelf. She pulled a book off the shelf, the only one that was standing upright, and placed it in Catra’s hands, “Open it.”</p><p>She obeyed, not understanding why she herself had to open the book and not Madame Razz. The pages were coated in a layer of dust and she blew it away, but when the dust vanished there were no words on the page. It was blank. But before she could ask the old lady what information Catra would collect from an empty book, something happened. A bright light erupted from the book and circled around her, blinding her. She dropped the book in shock and when the light went away, she went to ask Madame Razz what happened when she noticed she was alone. She was no longer in the cave either and she frantically looked around for a way out.</p><p>How stupid could she be! Following a crazy old lady into her hut and then into a portal and now she was stuck in some weird place. She was going to die here with only her bag of ration bars and a bottle of water. Death was something she thought about a lot but this was not how she wanted to go. She wanted to die a hero, or villain depending on what side you are on, die honorably. This would be a dumb way to die and no one at the Horde would even find her. An old lady would be their last suspect.</p><p>Then someone appeared near her but it wasn't Madame Razz but a feline person, like her but taller. They got closer and revealed that they wore a dark blue skin suit and a grey chestplate. This person looked like they were ready for war. Her mind flicked back to the picture of the demolished kingdom of Halfmoon and back to this person. <i>Maybe they were.</i></p><p>“Another Magicat?” They whispered but silence was all around them so Catra heard it. They reached a hand out to her and that’s when Catra observed that this person was a hologram. The hand stopped before it touched her and retracted.</p><p>“Who are you?” Catra questioned, hoping they were no threat, “Madame Razz sent me here.”</p><p>That got a reaction from them, “Oh yes, you must be here for answers. No one has visited me other than Razz in years. I am Queen C’yra of Halfmoon ll, or I was. And, you are?”</p><p>“Catra,” She responded, “Just Catra. What do you mean you were the queen?”</p><p>The queen smiled, “Well I am a hologram, no? A person cannot put their brain into a hologram without being dead.”</p><p>She had forgotten about that, her own brain had gotten mushy ever since she arrived here, “So you’re dead, okay. How did you die?”</p><p>“I would be offended by your bluntness if I actually cared” C’yra replies, “but I died in battle. The Battle of Halfmoon though I don’t think many people remember it. Our city was one of the first to get attacked by the Horde. We thought we were prepared but their technology and weapons far outweighed our strength. Thousands of magicats died.”</p><p>Catra frowned, “Madame Razz said your people were undefeatable warriors though, how did they kill you? You're their queen, would they not have protected you?”</p><p>“Do not for one second think my people did not care for me,” C’yra snapped, “but I choose to fight alongside them. I died because I was carrying the heir of the throne with me, I could not fight back if someone found me. Hordak cornered me and slaughtered me and took the heir along with twenty other children. It is still my greatest failure in my life that I could not protect my people or the heir.”</p><p>“Was the heir your child?”</p><p>The queen laughed a bit, “Oh no, she was my sister’s child, my niece, but I loved her like she was my own. I never had a husband because love is stupid.”</p><p>Catra grins at her opinion of love before asking, “Is your sister the queen now?”</p><p>“I assume she would be from what Razz has told me but my sister was raised to be the princess, not the queen." At this, C'yra sighs before she adds on, "Plus, the royal crown that a queen wears was lost in the battle when I died. Without it, she will never be able to reach her full potential as queen.”</p><p>“So, she’s powerless?”</p><p>“No, she has her individual magic that magicats are born with but the crown adds extra power to it so that a queen can protect her people. That is one of the reasons Halfmoon is now in hiding since they no longer have the crown.” Her hands move up to touch her head as if imagining the crown on her face.</p><p>Catra thinks over what the queen told her but pauses at one part, "Do I have my own magic?"</p><p>The queen nods, "If you are truly a magicat then yes, you will. But since you are asking all these questions, I guess that you were raised in the Horde."</p><p>"Yeah, I was. How did you know?" Catra is now puzzled, she had never told her she was from the Horde.</p><p>C'yra points to her uniform, "You wear the Horde symbol on your shirt."</p><p>"Oh," Catra blushes but then inquires, "How do I get my magic?"</p><p>"Well, usually when you are younger you will be taught how to control your magic but since you were in the Horde, it would be different. You would need to find a special teacher that could help you find your inner magic," C'yra explains but it only saddens Catra. The Horde would never allow her to have an instructor to teach her magic. Magic was for princesses and princesses were evil, other than Scorpia.</p><p>The queen must notice her ears droop because she says, "Halfmoon would have plenty of teachers to help you."</p><p>"Yeah," Catra argues, "but how am I going to get there if no outsiders are allowed?"</p><p>"You forget that Magicats can get in. Do not forget your heritage, Catra," C'yra says.</p><p>This does not make her feel pumped to leave her only home, The Horde, to find some kingdom she didn't know existed until today. But then C'yra leans in closer and says, "You are the only one who can return the crown to it's home, C'yra. You must go."</p><p>C'yra, why was everyone calling her that? It was not her name, she had told them constantly that it was Catra. Why was the queen messing up her name for Catra's?</p><p>"But I don't have the crown, C'yra. I don't even know what it looks like," Catra explains the obvious because apparently it was not obvious to the queen.</p><p>She brushes that fact away and continues, "Go to Halfmoon and take your bag with you. Do not lose your bag."</p><p>Catra nods, still confused why her bag with only her food, water and mask were in was any importance to the queen. Of course her self doubt surfaces so she asks, "Why me? Can't anyone else do it?"</p><p>"No!" C'yra shouts before containing herself, "You, Catra, are the only one who can do it. The Magicats have forgotten their heritage, of the queens before them that have not given up on them. You are their only hope. Now, go."</p><p>C'yra pushes her away towards the book on the floor and Catra picks it up, keeping it open. She does not want to leave, "Please, wait! I have more questions and-"</p><p>"No time, you must go Catra. Close the book."</p><p>Tears were threatening to spill, she was so close to figuring out more about herself and about her family, "No, I-"</p><p>She stopped mid sentence when she felt warm, soft hands cover hers. It was C'yra who should not be solid since she was a hologram. It shocked her enough that the queen pressed her hands against Catra's, shutting the book, without any resistance from Catra. Her last image of the queen was her smile.</p><p>It all disappeared after that and she found herself in the hut's living room, sitting on a chair. Madame Razz was not too far away sweeping the floor. She looked up when she appeared and she seemed to be glad when her eyes caught Catra's.</p><p>"Find everything you need?" The old lady asked innocently but Catra felt like she already knew her answer.</p><p>"No, I did not," Catra barks back, tossing the book onto the table in front of her.</p><p>Madame Razz stops sweeping. "What are you going to do about it then?"</p><p>"C'yra told me I had to go to Halfmoon so that's what I'm going to do," Catra says, confident in her plan.</p><p>"Do you know where Halfmoon is?"</p><p>Catra pauses, "No, but I-"</p><p>"Are you prepared for many days of travel?"</p><p>She glances at her bag with a couple ration bars and a bottle of water, "Well, no..."</p><p>"What are you going to do about The Horde?"</p><p>This catches her attention, her head spinning towards the lady, "What do you mean?"</p><p>"Well you do have friends in the Horde, correct? And your boss would not be happy with his second in command leaving him." Madame Razz says.</p><p>"How do you know I'm second in command?" Catra demands, feeling the room close on her. How could she forget Hordak? He would kill her if he found out she betrayed her. And her friends would be so disappointed in her if they came to find out she had run away.</p><p>Madame Razz shrugs, "Just a guess. This is not supposed to persuade you to not go on your quest but making sure you know what you are getting into. This will not be as easy as you believe."</p><p>She thinks of Scorpia and Lonnie finding out that she's missing, the 'where did it go wrong' looks. She thinks about Hordak who would either kill her himself or send her to Beast Island when he found out she ran away. She even thinks of Adora, who would expect to run into her on the battlefield only for her not to show up. More 'where did it go wrong' looks, or so she hopes. She hopes it isn't relief and happiness that she's gone. She hopes they weren't waiting for this to happen, to finally get rid of her.</p><p>But then the face of C'yra who has lost so much. Her people, her kingdom, her niece, her life and telling Catra that she is her only hope, their only hope. She doesn't know what to do.</p><p>Something presses into her hands and she looks down to see a map. Madame Razz smiles and points at two areas that are marked with an ‘x’, "This is Madame Razz's hut and this here is Halfmoon. It will be a week's travel. Food and supplies are already in your bag."</p><p>"What if I don't want to go?" Catra asks, surprised that the old lady is assuming she wants to go without letting Catra decide.</p><p>Madame Razz shrugs again, taking the map back from her, "Then you are free to go, nothing is keeping you here. Destiny does not choose you, C’yra, you choose your destiny."</p><p>There were two paths Catra could take. One is everything she has wanted, being second in command with her friends. She imagines herself finally killing She-Ra and the Rebellion and taking over Etheria, ruling side by side with Hordak and her squad. This would prove herself to everyone that she was worthy without Adora.</p><p>The second path was painful and lots more hard work but she would find out about her past. Her family, her people and help save a kingdom and restore the crown to it's queen. She was by herself on this road but this was the path to healing. This path was filled with opportunities.</p><p>She knew which one she had to take.</p><p>"Ugh, give me the stupid map." Catra huffed, standing up and yanking the map from the old woman.</p><p>The old lady didn't mind, smiling as Catra stuffed the map in her bag, "This is the right choice, C'yra."</p><p>Catra rolls her eyes, "I know, I know. I'm not doing this for the world, just for C'yra."</p><p>"Yes, the former queen is very stubborn, even when dead. It is where you get it from, C'yra," Madame Razz says.</p><p>Madame Razz opens the door and steps out along with Catra but she halts in the doorway at her words, "What-?"</p><p>Her words are cut short by a swift bop on the head from Madame Razz's broom and Catra is pulled out of the hut, "You must go now, C'yra. Good luck."</p><p>"Will I see you again?" Catra asks and even she is surprised by her words. Why would she want to see this crazy coot again? But even if the old lady was weird, she was helpful.</p><p>A smile spreads on her face, "When the time is right, C'yra."</p><p>It is not much of an answer but Catra understands. Before she can leave though, Madame Razz says, "Do not forget who you are, Catra. Do not forget that only you can change your future."</p><p>And then the old lady disappears into her hut and it's just Catra from here. She still has a chance to go back to the safety of the Frightzone where she knows she has a spot as Hordak’s second in command, even if things are a little complicated. She knows, even if she wants to, that she can’t go back. The Magicats may have gone into hiding for all these years in fear of the Horde but Catra was not going to give up.</p><p>She hears a voice whisper in her ear, echoing into the woods as she walks in the direction of Halfmoon.</p><p>
      <i>You have fallen so far, Princess C'yra, but sit up and wipe off the blood, this is not rock bottom. Spread your wings and rise, this is not the end. </i>
    </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
_________________________________________<br/>
</p>
  <p>
<i>No, I’m fine, I’m lying on the floor again<br/>
</i>
<i>Cracked door, I always wanna let you in<br/>
</i>
<i>Even after all of this, I’m resilient<br/>
</i>
</p>
  <p>
<i>‘Cause a princess doesn’t cry<br/>
</i>
<i>A princess doesn’t cry<br/>
</i>
<i>Over monsters in the night<br/>
</i>
<i>Don’t waste our precious time<br/>
</i>
<i>On boys with pretty eyes<br/>
</i>
  </p>
  <p>
<i>A princess doesn’t cry<br/>
</i>
<i>A princess doesn’t cry, no-oh</i><br/>
<i>Burning like a fire<br/>
</i>
<i>You feel it all inside</i><br/>
<i>But wipe your teary eyes<br/>
</i>
  </p>
  <p>
<i>- Princesses Don’t Cry by Aviva Mongillo<br/>
</i>
 </p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. but even if i could go back, i wouldn’t belong there anymore</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>- Chapter Two -</p><p>Scorpia and Lonnie have been worrying about Catra ever since Lonnie returned without her. Catra was missing and Hordak couldn't find out or else he would kill Catra on sight the next time he saw her. Luckily, the team happen to meet a certain shapeshifter and Scorpia's got a plan to save Catra. Even if it means recruiting a stranger with their own motives.</p><p>What they don't know was that Catra was dealing with her own probelms in the woods. Facing a horned beast was one thing but waking up in a random village with strange bird people was not what she expected when running away. How was she ever going to get to Halfmoon if she kept running into obstacles? </p><p>She promised Queen C'yra though, that she would get to Halfmoon and she was not going to give up now.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
<i>- the more i live</i><br/>
<i>the more i see </i><br/>
<i>we are a forest full of wolves</i><br/>
<i>howling at the same moon</i><br/>
<i>thinking we are alone -</i><br/>
<i>___________________________________</i>
</p>
</div><p>
Catra was missing. She wasn't in the Whispering Woods, Lonnie had been searching for thirty minutes, there was no sign of her. None of her stuff was here either. She had even checked for a sign that her friend had been captured. By what, she didn't know.
 </p><p>
It was useless. It was like Catra had vanished. There was only one theory Lonnie had that would explain why Catra was not here; Catra had left willingly. It was a stupid thought because she remembered Catra climbing her way through the ranks. The Horde was her home, there was no reason for her to leave.
 </p><p>
Unless Catra had realised that no matter what she did, it wouldn't fix the hole in her heart.
 </p><p>
Lonnie knew that Adora defecting had damaged her greatly. It didn't take a genius to see that the whole reason Catra was doing this was to prove herself that she didn't need anyone. That backfired on her. Maybe Catra had finally seen that her actions were getting her nowhere but deeper in a hole of karma.
 </p><p>
She just didn't think Catra would up and leave without telling them or even considering taking them with her. Did Catra think they wouldn't care if she left? Lonnie could remember the broken face Scorpia had been when she came back to the Frightzone alone on the skiff. Even Kyle and Rogelio were upset to find out Catra was gone.
 </p><p>
Lonnie hadn't known how to react to Catra being gone. She hadn't been super close to her. They are friends but things had been weird between them ever since the portal. Which was why she had to find Entrapta's notes about the effects the portals have on people.
 </p><p>
There was no time to get the notes or find out a plan to find Catra, Hordak sent them on a mission in the Crimson Waste. The squad had to clean out a First One's ship with the help of some Horde soldiers. Hordak still didn't know that Catra was missing and Lonnie could tell that Scorpia was scared for what he would do when he found out.
 </p><p>
No one knew if Catra would return back and if she did, what would happen. Hordak could demote her back to a cadet or worse, kill her. Those thoughts haunted Lonnie at night and she could tell they haunted Scorpia as well. Lonnie wasn't sure if coming back to Horde or bracing whatever Catra was dealing with was riskier.
 </p><p>
There was no telling when Hordak would figure out his second in command was gone. So, when Double Trouble appeared in the form of Kyle and Lonnie, she accepted their services. She had a plan and it was going to work because she didn't know what would happen if it didn't. Lonnie hoped it would cover them long enough to find out what happened to Catra and get her back, wherever she was.
 </p><p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>_______________________<br/></p>
</div><p>
The woods were not as Catra remembered them from last time. To be fair, last time she was crashing into them full speed. Back then she thought it was creepy but now, in broad daylight, nothing bad seemed to be going on. She didn't let her guard down, though.  She couldn't let go of the feeling that something was watching her.
 </p><p>
Something rustled in the bushes, causing her to spin around. All that showed up was a small rabbit that ran away after seeing Catra. She sighed, there was nothing dangerous there. There was something above, shaking the tree branches. Catra didn't give the bird a second glance, it wasn't a threat to her. But then, the thing in the tree landed behind her and made a thud much louder than any bird could.
 </p><p>
It turns out it was not a bird but instead a tree bear, nothing she couldn't handle. The creature snarled at her and moved forward, assuming dominance over the feline. Catra was not going down without a fight so she bared her claws and got into her fighting stance.
 </p><p>
The creature made the first move and charged at her but she dodged it and scratched her claws down it's back. It roared and faced her, revealing large horns on its head which swung at her. Catra did not account for this. The horns caught her sleeve and flung her across the area. She landed in a heap on the floor and something was definitely bruised or broken but she wasn’t going to give up. Catra wiped the sweat off her face, panting, and got up, ready to punch the bear right in the face. She didn’t know where her bag was, it was anywhere near her. Her bag had gone flying off her shoulder and disappeared. She didn't get a chance to fight or find her bag because she dropped back down, her head hitting the floor.
 </p><p>
Darkness covered her vision and she fell into the void, unconsciousness overtaking her.
 </p><p>
When Catra regained consciousness again, she found herself not in the afterlife nor back in the woods. Instead, she appeared to be lying on a bed in a cozy room. This must be a hallucination. She sat up and wiped her eyes but the room did not vanish. She tried to move to get up but her body was stiff and wouldn't comply with her brain. She was stuck here.
 </p><p>
This was a problem. Someone must have captured her. They must have seen the Horde symbol on her back and taken her hostage to make her pay for the pain she has caused on Etheria. One thing didn't make sense though. As she searched her body for any fatal injuries or anything to be worried about, she noticed her legs and body were bandaged up in some areas. Whoever had taken her in had also healed her but Catra didn't know why they would do that. Wasn't the whole point of revenge to make people suffer?
 </p><p>
The door opened and Catra shuffled up against the headboard of the bed, her claws ready to scratch out the eyes of her captured. She imagined a buff creature with weapons on their side who would make her suffer the long, hard way.
 </p><p>
Instead, a person with short purple and black hair, long wine coloured feathered wings and short elf ears. Catra had never seen this species before but they smiled at her and set down the tray they were carrying. It had baked goods on it along with a glass of water. If Catra hadn't learnt to not eat or drink food your capturers give you until you know it's not poisoned, she would have gulped it all down.
 </p><p>
She hisses and bares her teeth at them and raises her hand to swipe at the person when they speak, "Woah, woah, kitty. I'm not here to hurt you. You should calm down, you just woke up and-"
 </p><p>
"Where am I?!" Catra shouts, leaning as far as she could without hurting herself. She couldn't wait for them to finish their rambling, she needed answers now. "Who are you?! And don't call me kitty."
 </p><p>
"You are in the village of Drex, home to the Cholena's, located on the borders of the Whispering Woods and Crimson Waste." They say but the name doesn't ring a bell, "I am Zarina. Your name is...?"
 </p><p>
Catra had never heard of Drex or the Cholena's, though she did know it meant 'bird'. "It's Catra. What do you want from me?" Catra asks, hesitantly.
</p><p> 
"I do not want anything from you. I simply found you injured in the woods and brought you to my home to help you. Once you are healed, you are free to go." Zarina says, gesturing to the door.
</p><p> 
She doesn't feel safe yet, her hairs still on end, but she retracts her claws in. All Catra had to do was wait until she had recovered which didn't seem too far away. Peeking under bandages, the wounds looked a little bruised but that was it. Then she would grab her bag and continue on her way to Halfmoon. Where was her bag? It had been thrown off her shoulder in the fight and it had disappeared.
</p><p> 
"Where is my bag?" Her heartbeat quickened as her worry grew. Queen C'yra told her not to lose the bag and now she didn't know where it was.
</p><p> 
Zarina must have sensed her worry because she placed a hand on her shoulder. Catra slapped it off but then the woman handed her something. She glanced down and it was her bag. She snatched it from her and hugged it. It was safe. The whole reason she was going to Halfmoon was safe or, well, her most important reason. There were some other hidden reasons why she was going as well that she didn't want to admit.
</p><p> 
She opened her bag to check everything was still there but at the top was her old clothes. She frowned and stared down at herself. Her skintight suit was replaced with a long-sleeved mahogany shirt with a black collar and black leggings. Her gloves were still on but they had been rolled down to her wrist.
 </p><p>
"You changed my clothes?" Catra asked, not minding her new outfit. It was much more comfortable than the last one.
 </p><p>
"Oh, yes I did! It was the only way to look at your wounds and your clothes were all ripped anyway. I hope you like it. They were all I could find." Karina says, sending her a small smile her way.
 </p><p>
Catra didn't return the smile and shrugged as she stopped looking at her new clothes. She wasn't going to tell this stranger that she actually liked the clothes. But then an observation occurred in her mind. If this woman had changed her clothes, she would have seen the Horde symbol on the top. Why was Zarina not afraid of her? Why was she not at least tied up? She could kill her right now or send attacks on her village. She voiced these same opinions to Zarina.
 </p><p>
She only laughed at her, "You may be a Horde soldier and a Magicat but I can protect myself. I am not harmless either. Plus, if you wanted to kill me you would have and not have this nice conversation with me."
 </p><p>
"I'm not with the Horde anymore." Catra sees a glint of relief in the woman's eyes but then something comes to mind, "Wait, how did you know I was a Magicat?"
 </p><p>
"It's quite obvious, with the tail and ears." Zarina answers but she sees Catra is not satisfied with it so she continues, "But, our village was used as a shortcut to reach Halfmoon when it was still alive. I saw many Magicats when I was younger. We haven't had a magicat visit our village, though, in a long time, not since they all died. I didn't know some of them survived."
 </p><p>
That made her perk up, "Drex is a shortcut to Halfmoon?"
 </p><p>
Zarina nods, "My son can take you to the end of the village and then you can continue your journey to Halfmoon through the woods again. It is much quicker this way."
 </p><p>
"How do you know I'm going to Halfmoon?"
 </p><p>
"We weren't going to let a random Horde soldier into our house without checking for weapons. My son snooped in your bag and found the map." The woman responds and Catra checks her bag but the map isn't in there. Her son still must have it.
 </p><p>
No more questions are asked though Catra has a dozen she can't get the words out. Zarina helps her stand up, putting her hands underneath her arms to keep her stable. It reminds her of all the times Scorpia picked her up after she had fallen. Scorpia. She brushes the thought away. This was not the time to think about her friend. The two of them walk out of the room together and Catra hobbles as Zarina carries most of her weight as well as her own. Zarina leads her to the rest of the house, including the living room and kitchen.
 </p><p>
There are other people in the living room when they enter. Catra expected to be alone but instead, there is another woman, an old man and a boy. They all looked up when she entered the room with Zarina and she stood up straighter. She doesn't want to look weak in front of these people. She's not some charity case and she doesn’t want pity. But Catra also knew she had to accept their help. She didn't even make it one day in the woods, how would she survive any longer? They were already willingly ready to give her help and Catra knew she needed it .
 </p><p>
So when Zarina guided her to the couch, Catra allowed her to. The woman walked over and Zarina wrapped her arm around her, "This is my wife, Julith. That's my father over there, Koba, and my son, Ahron."
 </p><p>
Catra is unsure what to do and ends up briefly smiling at them. Julith passes her a black cloak and rests her other hand on her shoulder. She fights back the urge to push it off. These are her hosts, she is merely their guest. They can kick her out whenever they want to but they haven't so she needs to behave, Catra reminds herself. She stares at the cloak in confusion when Julith explains.
 </p><p>
"The Magicats have been extinct for a long time. If our village saw a Magicat, we don't know what could happen. It is best to hide your ears and tail." She says and Catra thanks her, understanding.
 </p><p>
To them Halfmoon and the Magicats are dead. It would shock others to find out some were still alive. Word would spread and there is a chance it could reach the Horde. That would compromise Halfmoon's secrecy and everything they have worked for. To hide from outsiders so the last part of their species and city is not destroyed. Catra would never be welcomed if she was the cause of them getting exposed again.
 </p><p>
She hung the cloak over her shoulders and tied the knot at the front. She didn't bother putting the hood on yet, there was no reason to. The boy sitting next to her kept sneaking secret glances at her but Catra could tell when he did. She didn't meet his eyes though, he let him build an image of her in his mind, probably where she was mean and cruel. The old her. She was changing though and if she ever did meet trustworthy people, she was going to let them in. And, she was going to start with these people. She hoped they weren't lying about being good people. Catra didn't know if she could take being betrayed another time.
 </p><p>
When she came back into reality, she realised she had missed most of a conversation. Zarina said, "...and Ahron can show you through the village to the end so you can continue on your way to Halfmoon."
 </p><p>
It seems that was not what the boy wanted to do and he stood up and shouted, "What?! I have to deal with a Horde soldier by myself! What if she attacks me?!"
 </p><p>
There's silence and Catra knows it's because no one knows how to defend their guest. She mumbles, "I'm not with the Horde anymore." It's a whisper but everyone hears it.
 </p><p>
"Of course you aren't, sweetie. It doesn't take a genius to notice that. You were found injured, all by yourself in the woods with little to nothing with you. No weapons at all except for your bare hands." That is the first time the old man speaks and Catra immediately knows that she will like him.
 </p><p>
Zarina talks next, "I expected a cruel soldier that didn't care for commoners like us and spit on our faces. You've proved me wrong though. When you are done on your adventure, you are always welcome to come back here. I expect you won't have anywhere permanent to stay."
 </p><p>
Catra smiles sincerely, "Thank you but I'm hoping to find someone to live during my adventure."
 </p><p>
"Well, then you must come and visit!" Julith beams, "Oooo, I can bake my mini fruit tarts next time! They are delicious."
 </p><p>
"I'll have to hold you up to that offer then." She stands up and slings her bag over her shoulder. Ahron rises up as well, sighing, and grabs his own bag. "Thank you again for your help. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't found me."
 </p><p>
Koba shrugs, "You'd probably be dead is my guess."
 </p><p>
"Papa!" Zarina shouts but Catra laughs, for the first time in a long time, and says, "Yeah, that sounds right."
 </p><p>
He grins, "I like you kid."
 </p><p>
Ahron seems to groan behind her and when she glances at him, he has his head buried in his hands. Zarina opens the door for them and Catra pops the hood of the cloak over her head. She is surprised when Julith embraces her in a hug, whispering in her ear, "Be safe out there, Catra."
 </p><p>
Then the boy was leading her out into the town and the door shut behind them. She really hoped she would see them again but with the continuous war, she didn't know if she would. Death was around the corner for everyone and Catra was glad that for once, she wished death wouldn't come for her. Maybe there was something worth living for in this world.
 </p><p>
The village was how Catra expected it to look like. There were more huts on the sides and little shops and the streets were bustling with other Cholena's. Laughter filled the town and kids ran around while parents yelled after them. The cobblestone ground was rough and worn down which suggested that many accidents and adventures had happened here. Ahron strolled through it all, waving to people on the way. It shocked her that no one questioned the mysterious figure wearing a cloak but instead smiled at her. She had done nothing to any of these people to deserve their kindness yet here they were giving it to her.
 </p><p>
She could kill them all easily. They didn’t seem to carry any dangerous weapons on them and the only thing that stopped her from attacking them were the large wings attached to their backs. It was strange how they weren’t prepared for the Horde coming or anything else. Where were the tanks with bombs, the armour that people wore, the army? Ahron must have seen her stare at the town with a curious but surprised look because he sighs, wrapping his arms around himself.
 </p><p>
“It’s not much, I know, but it's home. You won’t have to deal with it anymore once we reach the border.” He says, his gaze hardening.
 </p><p>
Catra looks up at him, “Oh, no! That’s not it, just where are your defences? What if something attacks you?”
 </p><p>
He gazes at her, raising his eyebrows but the corner of his mouth twitches upwards, “You are a strange cat, that’s for sure.” Ahron then shrugs, “We are a peaceful city. If something comes, we’ll soar away and build our town again. We are independent, we have no allies to rely on.”
 </p><p>
They had no allies and Catra had no one either. The two had something in common. She didn't know if it was the sheer shock or something else but her mouth opened and the words tumbled out. “I can be your ally.”
 </p><p>
“You? No offence but I don’t think one Magicat would make a difference even with your magic.” Ahron says and though it is an insult, he slides closer to her. He must trust her more than he did before. She had said something right.
 </p><p>
There was no way to explain to him that once she finds Halfmoon and returns their crown, they will be in debt to her. She would have a whole city at her will and can make them protect this town if anything happens to it. If Catra could wander upon it, the Horde could as well. No one was safe anymore. But, she didn’t know if he would spread the rumour. She was good proof that Halfmoon wasn’t dead since she was evidence that the long dead species is still alive. Catra had to keep Halfmoon a secret, so she just shrugged. “Nevermind, forget what I said.”
 </p><p>
But then he smirked, “Oh, wait, I understand. That was your weird way of asking if I wanted to be friends.”
 </p><p>
She stutters, that had never entered her mind but she still flustered. Catra wasn't used to getting caught off guard. The only people who could do that were Scorpia and Adora. Ahron grins, “Well, I’ve never had a friend who’s a Magicat so I accept your friendship”
 </p><p>
It was weird, Catra thought, how one small act of kindness which wasn't supposed to be said turned into her gaining a friend. That wouldn’t have happened in the Horde, people would laugh at her for showing affection. Maybe she should be kind more often. Her mind flickered over to the image of Scorpia, hugging her and comforting her, and then Lonnie, asking if she’s okay. Then it switched to her yelling at them afterwards. <i>She was the bully.</i> That thought had never occurred to her. She used to be the one being bullied but once Adora left, there was no one holding her back from insulting them back. It made itself a habit in her, to defend herself even when someone didn't do anything.
 </p><p>
<i>She was a bad friend.</i> Yet here was someone who wanted to be her friend, who didn’t know of the things she had done. This was a chance to restart, her second chance and redoing things. So she grinned back and held out her hand to him, “Catra.”
 </p><p>
“I’m Ahron,” He takes her hand in his, “Why are you heading out to Halfmoon anyway? Like I understand that it's your home and everything but there’s nothing there anymore. It’s like the city disappeared. No ruins at all.”
 </p><p>
Catra remembered Queen C’yra telling her that only Magicats could enter and that to outsiders it seemed like a normal mountain. She shrugs at his question, “I never knew my heritage. I was raised in the Horde since a kitten. There might be something there to help with, er, closure.”
 </p><p>
Ahron nods, “I get it. Our town seems all put together but a war is coming. The elders try to brush it away, saying we are too young to understand what's happening. They don’t realise that we are the ones who are going to fight in this war. They can’t protect us forever.”
 </p><p>
There’s silence the rest of the way between them. Little kids run past them, laughing and full of innocence. That’s when Catra realises. If this war keeps continuing, the children will have to fight soon enough. Just like how Catra had to. And Lonnie, Kyle, Rogelio, Scorpia and Adora. Adora may have been able to escape and gone to the good side but the rest didn't have a magical sword to vouch for them. Catra may be out now but there were children in there getting ready to be the next line of soldiers. It was a continuing cycle. This war wasn’t there’s to deal with and it wasn’t hers either. This war had started a long time ago, when C’yra was the queen and still alive. It was not there’s to fight yet there was nothing else to do. If they did not fight then the children would have to. They had no choice.
 </p><p>
Unless they ended the war. Catra knew that the Horde was not the right side to be on, they would not win. Not with She-ra on the other side. Yet she had tried to make the Horde great again. Not to destroy everything but to prove herself and then win back Adora. That was never going to happen though. She wished she had noticed that sooner and joined Adora when she had the chance. But all she would have been was Adora's shadow, her pet. It was a war inside her head, what she should do. She didn't know what to do, everything was so confusing and she needed to figure out what side she was on. But first, she had to get to Halfmoon.
 </p><p>
The two of them reached the edge of the town and as she gazed into the beyond, all she could see were trees. This was it. She was so close to finding out her past and figuring out her future. She wouldn’t admit it to anyone but she was scared. The last time she was in the Whispering Woods alone she almost died. This time though, there wouldn’t be Zarina or Julith or Koba or even Ahron, to save her. She was alone after this. She had no where to run after this. She desperately wanted to go back and plead for forgiveness. But, Catra reminded herself of Queen C’yra who died protecting her people and has been waiting all this time for the crown to be returned to them. She was just a pawn in this war. First Adora and then the Horde used her and now Queen C'yra. She had to do her part, though. She promised and she didn't go back on her promises.
 </p><p>
Ahron reached out his hand, pointing at the woods, “Follow straight through there and you should get to Halfmoon in the morning. This side of the woods isn’t as dangerous as the part you were in before but still, be safe.”
 </p><p>
“Thank you,” Catra turns to him, “for everything.”
 </p><p>
He grins, placing his hand on her shoulder gently, “It was my pleasure. Good luck on your journey.”
 </p><p>
She sighs, adjusting the bag on her shoulder and took her first steps in the direction of her future. Before she could walk away, Ahron calls out to her. Catra spins her body around, raising her eyebrow in question.
 </p><p>
“You’re always welcome back here, if you need help or you want to visit. Just, don’t forget us.” Ahron says, his words rushed but his eyes soft and his dark brown wings drooping on the ground.
 </p><p>
“I won’t. And, don’t worry, I’ll be back.” With one last glance at the town, she turns back around and walks into the forest. There was no going back now.
 </p><p>
Her mind drifted to what her friends, if she could even call them that after treating them like dirt, and wondered what they were doing. Lonnie would be training and glad that Catra was gone. Scorpia would be panicking but she would soon realise that it was better with Catra missing. Kyle and Rogelio wouldn’t even know she wasn’t there in the Fright Zone. She pondered if Adora would miss her on the battlefield or if she would even notice. Catra might never even get to see them again if something happened to her in the woods or if she got lost along the way. If she ever did, they probably wouldn’t even want to see her since she was so rude to them. Catra would feel bad if she never got the chance to apologize but she would never be able to make it up to them for what she did. They did so much for her yet she never appreciated them when she had the chance.
 </p><p>
So, she strolled through the woods, her bare feet sinking into the grass beneath her and her hands reaching out to touch the trees. She hoped that wherever her friends were that they weren’t worrying about her. Catra hoped they were just living their best life with her gone now. She hoped Scorpia would be free without Catra shouting at her to stop annoying her. She hoped Lonnie, Kyle and Rogelio would be happy without Catra yelling orders at them all the time. She hoped Adora would be relieved that Catra was finally not fighting her anymore and she would never have to see her face again. And lastly, she hoped they were safe, from her and the consequences her decisions caused.
 </p><p>
Catra didn’t realise how wrong she was.
 </p><p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>_______________________<br/></p>
</div><p>
In the Fright Zone, Scorpia was pacing the floor with her claws behind her back. Hordak had called for her and Catra for the report on their new plan to destroy the Rebellion. The only problem was that Catra wasn’t here and if he knew, he wouldn’t hesitate to kill her the next time she showed up. To him, this would be a sign of her rebelling against the Horde and not that a sign of her getting lost or captured. Which was why Lonnie and her had come up with a plan. It was a great plan if it didn’t go wrong. Thus the reason why Scorpia was freaking out.
 </p><p>
A hand rested on her shoulder making her snap her head around. It was Catra. Almost. Her eyes were green and mentally she was Double Trouble. For now, she was Catra. They had gone through the plan a hundred times, there was no way this could fail unless Hordak noticed or Double Trouble betrayed them. Scorpia was trying not to think of everything that could go wrong and the punishments Hordak would give them if he found out where Catra was. Or where she wasn't which was the Horde. It was hard not to though.
 </p><p>
“Everything will be fine, Scorpia. I’m a good actor and this Catra person seems very easy to understand. The typical villian who doesn’t want to be the villian but it's the only way to prove herself. I’ve seen and played those roles many times before.” Catra’s voice tells her and it’s comforting but she know’s underneath it’s Double Trouble.
 </p><p>
The door opens and a guard is waiting there, “Lord Hordak is ready to see you, Commander Catra and Force Captain Scorpia.” He then leaves.
 </p><p>
Scorpia takes a deep breath and walks into the room. It was dark with a green errie feeling. The two of them walked up the stairs to the throne and behind it was Hordak in the darkness with his armour glowing red in some areas. It was time. 'Catra' walked up to him and Scorpia prayed this would work. The way Double Trouble walked up to their boss was with confidence but also respect. If Scorpia didn’t know who it really was, she might have believed this was really Catra.
 </p><p>
“Hey, boss~” ‘Catra’ purrs, “What did you need us for?”
 </p><p>
He turned around to her, his eyes narrowing, “Report, Commander Catra.”
 </p><p>
‘Catra’ nods, “All the boxes were loaded into the skiff and are being unloaded into the Fright Zone. We are waiting for your order to search for First One’s technology for Entrapta.”
 </p><p>
Hordak seems to brighten at the name, “Yes, do that. Do you have a plan for what we should do next, Commander Catra?”
 </p><p>
“We do.” Scorpia butts in, “Uh, Lord Hordak.”
 </p><p>
“Go ahead then.”
 </p><p>
Scorpia gulps, “ During our mission, we found a shape shifting creature. They will do our bidding as long as we pay them. We can send them into the Rebellion disguised and they can report back to us.”
 </p><p>
Hordak looks at her, “How will they do that?”
 </p><p>
‘Catra’ interrupts this time, “The distance is too long for them to travel back and forth and I do not trust them with our devices. So, I will camp in the Whispering Woods and they can report to me and I will then report back to you.”
 </p><p>
“I see you have thought everything out already.” Hordak then looks behind the two, “Where is your new recruit?”
 </p><p>
Scorpia answers, “Helping the Horde soliders unload the boxes from the skiffs. They really like to help, sir.”
 </p><p>
There is silence as Hordak stares at Scorpia and then switches to ‘Catra’, almost like his eyes are piercing through their souls. Scorpia holds her breath. He then stands up straight, “Then it is settled. Our new recruit will spy on the Rebellion and Commander Catra will report the information back to me from the Whispering Woods. Force Captain Scorpia, you will take over Commander Catra’s duites around the Fright Zone while she is gone. Now, leave me alone. I have work to do.”
 </p><p>
‘Catra’ grins, “Of course, Lord Hordak.”
 </p><p>
They both exit the room and as soon as they are outside the door, Scorpia lets out a breath and ‘Catra’ changes back to Double Trouble. They smirk, “I think that went really well but I did not expect Hordak to be so frightening.”
 </p><p>
Scorpia agrees, Lord Hordak is quite scary and she doesn’t know how many times she’s almost peed herself when he stares into her eyes. It’s like he knows a secret that they don’t. She then adresses the other, “So, what do you want for doing this? Which I am grateful for, by the way.”
 </p><p>
Double Trouble pauses and then says, “Money will do but I am putting my life at risk so I require something else as well." There is another pause, "I would like some more imformation on this ‘Catra’ person. I will need to imitate her when reporting to Hordak so anything you have will do.”
 </p><p>
This wasn’t what Scorpia was expecting but she agreed to it. She could talk about her best friend forever. All the many bad things and the good of course which was deep down in Catra’s heart, she knew it was there. This was why, during her rant, she did not see Double Trouble smirk an evil smirk which usually Catra wore on her face. See, Double Trouble had a plan. They were going to be a triple agent. Having imformation on a high ranking commander in the Horde was perfect. This plan would betray a lot of people and need a lot of lying and acting to convinve both sides of the war. The good thing was they were amazing at all three of those things. It wasn’t personal to the Horde or to Scorpia. They knew it was bound to happen because this was how Double Trouble worked. They did what they had to do to survive.
 </p><p>
And the best way to survive is to ‘always choose the winning side’.
 </p><p>
They just had to make sure that Commander Catra never returned to the Horde, even if that meant getting their hands dirty.
</p>
<p></p><div class="center"><p><br/>
<b>_________________________________________</b></p><p>
<i>Feels like a lifetime</i><br/>
<i>Just tryna get by</i><br/>
<i>While we're dying inside</i><br/>
<i>I've done a lot of things wrong</i><br/>
<i>Loving you being one</i><br/>
<i>But I can't move on</i><br/>
</p><p>
<i>You know I, I'm afraid of change</i><br/>
<i>Guess that's why we stay the same</i><br/>
</p><p>
<i>So tell me to leave, </i><br/>
<i>I'll pack my bags, get on the road</i><br/>
<i>Find someone that loves you </i><br/>
<i>better than I do, darling, I know</i><br/>
<i>'Cause you remind me every day, </i><br/>
<i>I'm not enough, but I still stay</i><br/>
</p><p>
<i>- July by Noah Cyrus</i>
</p>
<p></p><div class="center"></div></div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>She-ra Season five came out today!!!!!! Just a warning that if the season goes how I want it to (catra redemption bascially) then this book will lead straight into that season and I will just write it out with princess catra, etc.</p><p>If it doesn't go how I hope it does, I will be taking the structure of that season but changing it to fit how this fanfic is going currently. </p><p>Next chapter will be coming out shortly!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. i try not to miss you but in the end, you’re always on my mind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>- Chapter Four -</p><p>Double Trouble’s first week in the Rebellion goes as expected for the Horde but not for them. It’s boring and no gossip whatsoever. Why not spice things up a bit? So what if they don’t alert Hordak of an attack from Queen Glimmer herself, the Horde needs the training. It’s not like the Rebellion is going to win. Even with their enemy, who held the Horde together, missing, the princesses are still in shambles.</p><p>Meanwhile, Catra travels through the Whispering Woods alone but the woods were never known to give mercy to random people that wandered through them. But Catra had to get through them. She had to get to Halfmoon and return the crown because she doesn’t know what she would do if she didn’t.</p><p>She couldn't let down another person.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
<i>- this is how it starts</i><br/>
<i>memories grip you,</i><br/>
<i>and then,</i><br/>
<i>you’re dancing with ghosts -</i><br/>
_______________________________________<br/>
</p>
</div><p>
Messing around with the princesses wasn't the first thing Double Trouble had in mind when they were given the opportunity to go undercover in the Rebellion. But, it was the second. They were not on either side but the Horde annoyed them and the Rebellion annoyed them so why not play them both? It was quite simple to get the princesses to trust them. All they had to do was pretend to be an innocent, naive Elberon girl and they were in.
 </p><p>
It was quite boring though, being a spy for the Horde. Double Trouble expected She-Ra to be gallivanting everywhere and fights going on and drama. Instead, the Rebellion was very low standard in their book. No one seemed to understand how boring it was to sit through meeting after meeting and getting no gossip from it. At least in the Horde, they could get more information about their missing second-in-command.
 </p><p>
Double Trouble wasn't intending for Catra to become someone living in their thoughts. They imagined what would have happened if the feline was there when Double Trouble offered their services to the Horde. Would they even have this job? Maybe once they finally met Catra, they would have to thank her. If they weren't on opposite sides of the war.
 </p><p>
Listening into war strategy meetings opened Double Trouble's eyes to what the Rebellion thought of their enemy. It wasn't what they expected. The way Adora talked about the feline didn't seem like hate at all. The two were friends in the past but that was a long time ago. Double Trouble was surprised that Adora seemed to still hold feelings for her ex-friend. They were enemies now but Catra always planned to trap She-ra, never bothered with the other princesses. It made Double Trouble wonder if Catra wasn't quite what they thought she was. This made Catra even more interesting.
 </p><p>
From the information the scorpion girl, Scorpia, gave her, Catra had felt betrayed when Adora left her. She was very distant and cold to Scorpia and another girl, Entrapta, but Scorpia knew that deep down Catra cared. There were times when they had fun times but something had happened recently involving Hordak and Entrapta, who defected. Which was why the idea of a break in the Whispering Woods came up. Scorpia had no idea that Catra would get captured or injured out in the woods. Lonnie suspected Catra ran away but the others had quickly dismissed that idea, why would Catra leave?
 </p><p>
Two things didn't make sense to Double Trouble. They had noticed when trying to sleep at night but all they could think of was Catra and who she really was. The princess, Entrapta, did not live in Brightmoon and after some questions, pretending to be that short, ice princess, they found out Entrapta was believed to be dead. Scorpia's story and the Horde's story did not line up. The only one who knew what happened was Catra but she was missing. That was also another suspicious part of the story. Scorpia told them that Catra had crawled up from being a cadet to Force Captain and then to second-in-command. Catra knew how many soldiers were dead or injured and went on a majority of the battles they planned. She belonged in the Horde. Then something happened and the catgirl spiralled down, leading into the day off.
 </p><p>
The Rebellion didn't have a catgirl that fitted the description of Catra. Double Trouble checked themself. It had been three days since Catra went missing. Double Trouble hated to admit it but if the feline was out in the Whispering Woods alone and injured, she would be dead. Yet, no nearby villages had seen her. The only logical answer was that Catra planned to run away from the Horde, that this whole "missing" thing was a plot to defect secretly. But that didn't fit with the little image of Catra that Double Trouble had in their head. They would have never thought that the second-in-command of the Horde would be this complicated.
 </p><p>
None of the princesses had caught Double Trouble, or Flutterina, as the source of the sudden drama that was happening. No one had seen her lurking in the shadows of rooms. The new queen of Brightmoon was an interesting character as well. Glimmer didn't care if she had to hurt people to get what she wanted, which was the planet and her people, her friends, safe. In some ways, she reflected the Catra that Scorpia told her about. Except Glimmer and Catra were on two different sides of the war.
 </p><p>
The old witch, Shadow Weaver, seemed to be the only one who was curious about Flutterina. She was taken care of though when she started to teach Glimmer magic, going against Adora and Bow's warnings. It was fun watching friendships falling apart. But then, as they were hiding behind a bush, watching the two talk about magic, Glimmer wrote a rune in the air. This was a locator spell and it had found one of the Horde's outposts in the Whispering Woods. Like the good spy they were, they should report to Hordak or even Scorpia that Glimmer was heading to the outpost. But where was the fun in playing by the rules? Plus, by the time they warned the Horde, Glimmer would have already teleported to the outpost. Their warning wouldn't make a difference. Why waste their energy to go and find the tablet and then switch into Catra to report to Hordak?
 </p><p>
Hopefully, whoever was at the outpost was not one of those weakling soldiers that the Horde sent out to get rid of them. That would not look good for Double Trouble but they weren't good at acting for nothing.
 </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
_______________________<br/>
</p>
</div><p>
Glimmer hid behind a tree, glaring as she waited for the Horde patrol team to pass by. This was one of many outposts the Horde had in the Whispering Woods but this would be a sign to them that the Rebellion wasn't giving up. She could almost see the disappointed looks Adora and Bow would give her when she returned. But, she would come back after demolishing the outpost and their bots. This wouldn't halt the Horde much but it might be enough for the Rebellion to pull together a plan. Learning magic from Shadow Weaver would be useful in the future. Using just one simple spell, Glimmer had already tracked down a Horde outpost. If they kept this up, the Rebellion could take the Horde down piece by piece.
 </p><p>
There was a Horde soldier out the front. Glimmer remembered her name was something like Linda. She hadn't exactly been listening when Adora was talking about her old team. No one else seemed to be around so Glimmer took her chance, running up. Linda spotted her and her stun baton was raised in a second. Glimmer got her sparkles ready and aimed them at Linda whatsherface. A thought brushed against her mind and for a moment, Glimmer doubted that her name was Linda. Was it Launa or Lola? Glimmer wasn't sure. Linda swung at her with the stun baton but Glimmer ducked and struck at Linda's stomach.
 </p><p>
Linda fell onto her back, a groan escaping her lips as Glimmer pressed down on her. The stun baton was the only thing keeping Glimmer from knocking the other girl out. As Glimmer raised her hands up, sparkles on her palms, a voice shouted out, "Lonnie!"
 </p><p>
<i>That was her name! Lonnie.</i> Glimmer glanced over to the owner of the voice, caught up in her own realization of the girl’s name. In her pause, Lonnie brought up her legs and kicked her in the stomach. Glimmer tumbled to the floor and the large scorpion lady came dashing over, pining Glimmer to the floor. Her pincers held her down on her sides. She would have bruises tomorrow.
 </p><p>
"How did you find us? What do you want?" The scorpion girl, <i>Scorpia</i>, Glimmer reminded herself, asked.
 </p><p>
Glimmer glared, baring her teeth, "Just came to destroy some bots.” She looked around, ready for Catra to pounce out and do the rest of the work for them. No one came. “Where's your cat? Is it her nap time?"
 </p><p>
Scorpia hesitated, loosening her grip enough for Glimmer to scramble out. Lonnie growled, "Catra's gone. And you won't be destroying anything anytime soon. We've got something that is going to destroy you once and for all."
 </p><p>
The words filled her head. All that she understood was that the Horde had something big up their sleeves. She couldn't let them get away. So, with the last of her magic, she drew a spell in the air and released her power. It flew at multiple bots and they all went down. Glimmer grinned and reminded herself to thank Shadow Weaver later for teaching her that spell. Lonnie and Scorpia stare at the wreckage and there's something in their eyes that Glimmer can't place. It goes away as quickly as it was there when two other cadets dart out of the outpost. It's time for Glimmer to go. She closes her eyes and teleports away from the Whispering Woods and to Brightmoon.
 </p><p>
It isn't until later tonight when she is getting ready for the meeting with the other princesses to discuss the war that she replays the fight in her mind. Nothing out of the ordinary but two words ring in her head. <i>Catra's gone.</i> She didn't think anything of them before but it didn't make sense. Gone wasn't an adjective you used when someone was hurt and out of action. Gone was when someone was missing, had left or was dead. The first two didn't make sense. Catra was the Horde's second-in-command and seemed to be pretty happy there. She wouldn't have just left it all on purpose. The Rebellion hadn't captured her either. So that meant Glimmer had one option left. Catra- Adora's ex-best friend, their enemy, the Horde's second-in-command, a pain in the ass, the person who killed her mother, who was responsible for so many deaths, pain and destruction- was dead.
 </p><p>
And of course, her first thought was- <i>How is Adora going to handle this?</i> Even after everything Catra had done, Glimmer knew it would take a long time for Adora to get rid of her feelings. The two were best friends since childhood and for that to suddenly mean nothing was hard. She knew that they both missed each other but Catra had crossed the line between being someone on the other side to being their enemy. There weren’t any more chances of joining the Rebellion. It didn't matter anyways, Glimmer concluded, she was dead.
 </p><p>
Walking into the room, she felt the heads spin towards her and like she said before, disappointed gazes burnt into her back. Glimmer sat in her chair and looked at her friends. Bow spoke up first.
 </p><p>
He looked distressed and guilt flooded Glimmer, "What were you thinking?! Fighting the Horde by yourself? What if you had gotten hurt? Or captured?"
 </p><p>
She didn't want her friends to worry about her. She could take care of herself, there were more pressing matters to discuss. "I'm alright, Bow. A few scratches here and there, but that's it. Besides, I did more damage to them than they did to me."
 </p><p>
Frosta grinned and said, "Okay, what's our next step then? Are we-?"
 </p><p>
"No!" Adora shouted, her hands slamming onto the table, "I mean- we are not finished talking about this? Shadow Weaver told me you've been learning magic from her. What have I told you about her, Glimmer? She cannot be trusted. She'll manipulate you, use you to get what she wants."
 </p><p>
"Without her help, I wouldn't have been able to get information from the Horde." Glimmer bites back, her eyes casting to the side.
 </p><p>
Mermista looks up, "Information? Why didn't you just say that first?"
 </p><p>
Glimmer sighed, bringing her hands in front of her as she stood up from her seat. "I found out that the Horde is planning something, something big that will destroy the Rebellion." Gasps echo around the room but she isn't done, "That's not it though. I asked them where Catra was and one of the Horde soldiers said she was gone."
 </p><p>
Adora's eyes widened, "No..."
 </p><p>
"From that, I believe we can infer that," Glimmer gulps and says, "that Catra is dead."
 </p><p>
Perfuma, despite not knowing Catra, looks downhearted and her eyes soften as they lay on Adora. Sea Hawk and Swift Wind bow their heads down. Mermista looks conflicted, between cheering and mourning. Bow is the same and Adora, oh Adora. She looks broken like all hope has been lost. Everyone is staring at her, waiting for her reaction. She looks up into Glimmer's eyes as if asking if this is true but Adora sees it in the way Glimmer can't answer. Her chair falls to the floor when she stands up and then she's vanished, running out of the room and the door slams behind her.
 </p><p>
Frosta frowns, "I don't understand, isn't this a good thing?"
 </p><p>
Glimmer doesn't know how to respond, how to explain the years of friendship and misunderstandings. That Adora will never get to make up with Catra after the war. That they will never get to try again. Even though Glimmer hates Catra with all her guts and is glad she's dead because then Glimmer wouldn't be the one to kill her, something deep down in her is distraught. Thankfully, Perfuma calmly replies, "It does not matter what side they are on, we will always mourn the dead."
 </p><p>
The young princess nods, not questioning the fact this is the enemy they are talking about. That they haven't mourned any deaths in the Horde before. But somehow she understands this is different. Even when they were fighting Catra, something was unusual. Adora would always chase after Catra and Catra would always target Adora. They ran around in circles. Even when the two fought, she could tell there was real chemistry going on between them. Sometimes the other princesses forgot that despite Frosta being a kid, she was a main part of the war. She had seen the same stuff the others had seen and had shed blood. Frosta may be a kid physically but mentally she was much older. No kid, no one in general, can go through a war without aging or without bringing trauma and nightmares and triggers and mental breakdowns with them.
 </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
_______________________<br/>
</p>
</div><p>
Curled up on her bed, Adora sniffled into her pillow. She should be happy, this would make the Horde vulnerable along with the outpost that Glimmer destroyed. This was the perfect time to strike yet Adora wanted nothing more than to sleep. Catra was her enemy, Adora tried so many times to get her to join them but she never did. She opened the portal, is the reason Angella is dead and has hurt all the princesses at least once. Yet, Catra was her ex-best friend and Adora had hoped that after the war ended, that Catra would become her old self. Adora always thought that no matter what side they were on or what happened between them, that Catra would always be there. She was a constant in Adora's life. That everything would be okay but death doesn't discriminate and it took Catra. Adora wondered how it happened. If Catra suffered for hours before she let out her final breath or if it was quick and painless. The thought disturbed her so she focussed on happy memories.
 </p><p>
A sob escaped her lips and soon Adora found herself crying into her pillow, memories of two girls flooding her mind. One cat girl with bushy brown hair and two different coloured eyes, one yellow and one blue. The other girl had short blonde hair and bright blue eyes. Both best friends since they met at four years old. Thought they would be together for the rest of their lives. But then Adora left and Catra stayed behind. One ran away and the other…
 </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
_______________________<br/>
</p>
</div><p>
Leaning against the trunk of a tree was a Magicat with mocha brown hair and cedar tufts of hair poking out underneath her hair. The tufts were short since she cut them off a week ago after the portal incident. Her eyes were two colours, one yellow and one blue. At a young age, she was always told they were weird, not normal and she spent her life hating them, wishing she had the same baby blue eyes as Adora. Then Shadow Weaver would love her. Or maybe she was the problem. Her fur was a tawny brown with short stripes on her arms and legs. A bag was thrown to the side, sitting next to her. Inside was food, water, a map, a red mask and one gun. She tried to put the mask back on her face but something didn't feel right. Either memories that she would rather forget came back or she would get an electric shock from it. So, it sat in her bag until she was able to wear it again.
 </p><p>
Her name was Catra. She used to have significance, a rank but that didn't matter anymore, did it? The Horde probably thought she was dead or captured and had already replaced her. It was nothing new. Someone is out of action? They're replaced with someone else. Perhaps that was why her force captain badge was thrown into a random bush along with her old clothes that used to be in her bag. It was a hard decision. With her badge, she could press it and be tracked down so the Horde could bring her home. But Catra didn’t know what would happen there, what would happen to her. No one would miss her anyway. So, it was tossed. Maybe it was to renew herself. She wasn't the Horde's to mould to how they wanted, she was Catra and no one else. Catra hoped in the future she would be something else, even if it was not much. Better to have something than to have nothing at all. It was funny, the irony, that in the Frightzone she never appreciated Scorpia caring for her, looking out for her and giving her meals when she forgot. Now, all alone in the woods, she wished Scorpia was here, even if it was only for her company. <i>Damn,</i> Catra cursed to herself, <i>she had a lot of apologies to give to people when this whole war was over. If it ever ended.</i>
 </p><p>
Catra didn't want to think about this never-ending war. How it didn't matter if the Horde lost one soldier or a thousand, they still had more to spare. The Rebellion cared about the people they sent out to battles but the Horde couldn't care less. Which was why the Horde was always winning until they brought out She-ra. It was crazy to think about how many people, how much this war, depended on She-ra. Catra was glad she never beat She-ra. It wasn't that she could, because she couldn't, but there was still so much between them that Catra could never go further than injuring She-ra. She wouldn't have to go against Adora anymore. Hopefully, Halfmoon would owe her once she returned their crown and she could live there until the war ended. After it ended, Catra could try again. With Scorpia, Lonnie, her squad, Entrapta, the Rebellion, <i>Adora.</i>
 </p><p>
Thoughts of Adora overflowed her brain. When she slept, when she ate, when she got dressed. Entrapta sometimes joined her in her mind. Other times it was Scorpia. Even so, Adora was always there. Catra should have learnt her lesson though. The last time she fell asleep in the mysterious woods, she had some crazy nightmare. Or a memory of the past or a vision of some sort.
 </p><p>
<i>She was in the Frightzone. She was running, running down the corridors laughing. Behind her was Adora. Sweet Adora. Catra smiled and teased her best friend for being too slow. The two stared at each other, hidden feelings, and Catra stepped closer. Adora reached out to her and tackled her to the floor, both of them giggling. She grinned at the big smile on Adora’s face but there was something missing. Suddenly, Adora got off the floor and looked at her in a disgusted way. The girl ran off and Catra was left alone, rejected and her heart shattered in more ways than just friendship.</i>
 </p><p>
<i>The scenery changed. They were outside somewhere. It was another fight. The sword was tossed to the side. Catra should be gone by now, taken the sword and retreated to the Frightzone yet she couldn't stop. Blow after blow and hit after hit, she kept beating into She-ra. Blood was coughed up and there were a few pleas between hits. None of them was what Catra wanted to hear. "I'm sorry"'s and "Please, this isn't you." Yet it was. Something deep down begged Catra to stop. To pick herself up and wipe the blood off her clothes, none of it hers, and leave before it was too late. But her body wouldn't listen.</i>
 </p><p>
<i>And then no more pleas came. The body in front of her was cold and motionless. Then it changed.</i>
 </p><p>
<i>Entrapta lay on the floor. Her long purple hair stained with blood. Beast Island was known for torturing the people there, making them lose their mind. The girl in front of her wasn't the Entrapta she knew. This girl’s eyes were empty, her skin pale and ashy. She didn’t want this, she didn’t want this. Catra didn’t want this to happen.</i>
 </p><p>
<i>"You did this." She whispered and then she was dead.</i>
 </p><p>
<i>There was blood on her hands. It wasn't hers.</i>
 </p><p>
<i>"WHY DID YOU DO THIS?" Adora yelled in her ear and she covered them only to get blood on her ears instead.</i>
 </p><p>
<i>Everyone around her was dead. Blood on their heads, throats, bodies.</i>
 </p><p>
<i>"You're a bad friend." Scorpia and Lonnie said.</i>
 </p><p>
<i>Catra stood in the middle. Blood coated her hands and face. It wasn't hers. Water flowed over her and she was drowning, going down, down, down. Yet the blood didn't come off. The red blinded her and she closed her eyes and opened her mouth to scream. Water rushed into her mouth and she choked on it. She sank to the bottom but she didn't die. The water filled her lungs and everyone was dead but she was still here, still living. Living alone with regret was a worse fate than death.</i>
 </p><p>
And then she woke up. Still alive and not in the water, drowning. Catra looked to her hands. No blood. She hadn't killed anyone that she personally knew. That didn't make things better. Adora would have been dead if she didn't have She-ra, Entrapta could be dead, everyone could be dead. This could all be a hallucination that she made up to comfort her lonely self. If it was though, it was a sad thing she made up. Even her hallucinations left her.
 </p><p>
But it was real. The early sun was shining down on her and birds were chirping. It calmed her as she reminded herself that she wasn't going to murder anyone else since Catra had left the Horde. Halfmoon was waiting for her and there would be her past, friends, and her future. Everyone would be safe now that she was gone. They wouldn't need to be worried that Catra would go off the deep end. Halfmoon was where she belonged, if they accepted her. Something hot burned against her leg and Catra opened her bag. It was her mask but Catra dismissed it as the sun's heat affecting the metal. The mask called to her, though, but she didn't want to put it back on. This mask was the only constant in her life, through all her suffering, but also through all the suffering she caused. Putting it on meant accepting what she had done and that seemed too much work to do at the minute.
 </p><p>
She placed the mask back into the bag and reached in again for the map. Catra was close. She should be at Halfmoon by lunchtime. It was still early in the day, the sunlight shining through gaps in the branches and leaves of the trees. It was comforting, feeling at home surrounded by nature but she knew she wasn't alone. Either it was an animal or her thoughts that reminded her she wasn't alone.
 </p><p>
Walking on foot would be a lot easier if she wasn't in the Whispering Woods. Every time Catra would think she was getting near to her destination, the woods would pull a trick on her and make her go in circles. This went on for what felt like hours until she gave up. She threw her hands in the hair, the bag on her shoulder falling to the floor. The metal inside clanged when it met the ground but Catra didn't check on it.
 </p><p>
"What do you want from me?!" She screamed into the void. Birds clawed and scattered from the trees at her loud voice. A few small animals ran away as well.
 </p><p>
Staring up into the sky, she slumped to the floor. Her hands dug into the grass and dirt got in her nails but she kept going until her hands were full of earth. She squeezed it tight, dirt falling out and she tossed the remaining to the side. Vines hanging from branches touched her arm but she swatted them away. Catra fell onto her back, closing her eyes. The mask burned against her thigh where it sat in her bag. Instead of ignoring the pulling feeling towards it, she took it out. Catra fiddled with the hot metal in her hands and slid it on her head.
 </p><p>
Memories overtook her and she suffocated under it all. <i>Adora's cold gaze on her, her cheek sore from the impact of her punch. Entrapta's pained expression, her body hitting the floor with a thud. Scorpia worrying over her, picking her up off the floor every time she fell down. Shadow Weaver's disappointed look, her magic twisting around her until she exploded. Hordak's betrayed face, his hand around her throat and with one squeeze she was dead.</i> It all came at once and Catra gripped her head. But she didn't take the mask on. The mask was calling to her, it had to be the key to getting out of this forest and to Halfmoon. She let them flow through her mind, her eyes shut tightly before they drifted back out. Her mind was clear and it was soothing. There was nothing left but the present and the future. The past seemed light-years away and that was how Catra liked it. She could make new memories. She opened her eyes.
 </p><p>
The vines were gone and in front of her was a clear path. No twists and turns, just a straight walkway. She sat up and picked her bag up. Catra peeked inside to make sure everything was there. She took out a piece of fruit that the village people had given her to nibble on as she made her way to Halfmoon. Then, after getting a strange feeling that someone was watching her, she placed the gun into a makeshift holster she made using her gloves. It was better to be safe than sorry.
 </p><p>
Everything seemed much more enjoyable afterwards. Birds chirped as they soared through the sky and critters hurried past her and the grass was a hue of green and blue. It took a lot of energy to push down the urge to roll through the grass or climb to the top of the trees, with their curvy trunks. She could not delay her job any longer. Queen C'yra waited years to return the crown to its rightful home and the Magicats have waited all these years for the crown to come back. Though it wouldn't matter if Catra spent a few minutes exploring these woods, she did not want to spend another night out here. In the Frightzone, stories floated around about how soldiers went into the woods but never came out. She took that as a challenge then but bracing it for real, all by herself, was harder than expected.
 </p><p>
Catra had done it though. Step after step, marking off where she went on the map and she finally made it. The 'x' on the map of where Halfmoon was located was right in front of her. She looked up, the grin on her face bright and then it vanished, replaced with a frown.
 </p><p>
"This is it?"  Catra asked, her ears swivelled out in confusion.
 </p><p>
A large mountain stood in front of her, covered in grass and more trees. Catra walked up to it and something inside her pulled out to the mountain as it had to the mask, but something moved in the bushes behind her. The Whispering Woods had closed back in, nowhere for Catra to get back in and return to the village for help. She was on her own. The arch that Catra had seen on the mountain in the picture in Madame Razz's hut wasn't here. Catra didn't even know if this was the same mountain. She had seen this mountain on plenty of maps in the Horde but Hordak had deemed it useless so Catra didn’t pay it a second glance. Catra couldn't even remember the name it was given.
 </p><p>
Madame Razz must have lied to her, given her the wrong map or set this up as a trap to help the Rebellion. Sent her on a wild goose chase. Except Queen C'yra was real and the pictures in that dark room were real. Catra wanted to believe that this was all true but reality wasn't like that. <i>Do not forget who you are, Catra. Do not forget that only you can change your future.</i> The last words Madame Razz had said to her. But who was she? The girl she used to be was gone, so what did that leave. A hollow person trying to be someone they're not.
 </p><p>
<i>Destiny does not choose you, Catra, you choose your destiny.</i> Catra wasn't her old self anymore, she didn't have any personas she could fall back onto but maybe that was a good thing. Her old self was a bad friend, cold, distant and violent. No one in Halfmoon knew that person but Catra could be someone better. She could choose a good destiny. Where she will never have to face her past or Adora or Scorpia or Entrapta. Just her and her new future.
 </p><p>
The water was cold against her fur as she splashed it onto her face. Water droplets hung to her fur but she let them stay, not caring. She cupped her hands and scopped the water into them, slurping up the icy fresh liquid. While she had time, she refilled her water bottle as well. The water in her bottle was fine but it had gotten warm in the sun. This water was cold and Catra soon found herself drinking mouthfulls of it. She couldn't get enough. But she controlled herself, not wanting to get cramps from too much water, and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Instantly, she smoothed her hair down but paused. That was something she used to do, to try and calm her wild hair after the portal. To create a new person. Her tufts were also cut off as well. She thought being someone different would help her be the person she needed to be. Be second in command and nothing else. Forget her friends but focus on the one thing she could rely on her, which was herself at the time. Catra knew she was falling apart but she tried to keep herself together. It hadn't worked.
 </p><p>
Catra stared at her reflection in the shimmery lake. She was a mess. Her face had scratches and dirt on it, her hair was sticking up and she had bags underneath her eyes. Catra cleaned her face once more and flattened her hair back down using the water. But, when she checked her appearance in the water, someone she didn't know looked back up. It scared her, how unlike herself she could look. Instead, Catra messed her hair up and took her mask back off, slipping it into the very bottom of her bag underneath the rest of her things. This was someone Catra reconigzed yet different. She looked the same but her eyes were of someone who had seen things, done terrible things but survived. Who despite what pain and suffering she went through, came out alive.
 </p><p>
Behind her, the bushes russled but Catra was on high alert. The last time she ignored it, she was attacked by a large beast with horns and almost died. She couldn't take that risk again. Catra faced the bushes and a large cat’s head poked through the leaves. It stepped forward, baring its teeth, but Catra was already on her feet, ready to attack. Her claws came out and she snared. Before she could pounce, a thought occured in her mind. If she fought this giant cat, she wouldn’t be any better than her old self. Someone who fought anyone that got in her way. Flight was the better option. So, with her bad on her shoulder and her gun against her thigh, she turned around and ran into the woods. The cloak was still over her head and Catra yanked it down, it would help protect her face if the beast attacked her.
 </p><p>
The beast didn’t leave, though. It dashed after her and Catra, relying on her speed and aglity, realised the giant cat was as fast as her. If she kept running, she would eventually get tired and she would have no energy to fight back. Catra spinned around to face the giant cat but instead of using her claws, she pulled out the gun from her holster. It was a simple handgun. Only large rifles and machine guns were found in the Horde. The metal was comforting, cold and smooth in her head. There were 12 bullets in it, not enough to kill the giant cat but enough to injure it. She raised it up in front of her, aiming at the cat as the beast got closer to her. Catra saw it freeze but didn’t back down. She took a step back to give space between her and the animal in case it attacked but tripped over a loose tree root on the floor.
 </p><p>
A gunshot went off as Catra tumbled to the floor. Falling to the ground, three things happened in this moment. One, the gun from her hand went flying to the floor along with her bag. The gun was out of her reach and even if Catra scrambled over to it, the beast could eat her in that quick second it would take to grab it. Her bag was another problem. It had been tossed over to the trunk of a tree and as she processed what would happen if she died without returning the crown, the second thing happened. Catra gasped, her mouth opening and tears sprouted in the corner of her eyes. Not from the lack of her bag, the comfort it gave her, the fact that the bag held the crown she needed to fufill her mission from Queen C’yra but from a bullet that logged itself in her calf. Pain spread throughout her body as she fell. She had shot herself like the foolish, useless person she was. She had one shot and she shot herself.
 </p><p>
Her cloak fell off her head as she hit the floor, her back screaming in pain along with her legs, her arms, her bones, her whole body. She was bleeding out from her calf, Catra could smell the blood. Memories flashed through her mind. <i>Fire chokes her yet there’s no fire since blood is trickling down her head, covering her vision. She can’t see anything but red, red, red. The stench of blood, of war, of death fills her nose and she wishes she couldn’t smell anymore. Somone picks her up but she can’t fight. She falls asleep and when she wakes up, the smell of blood and war is gone. It’s better but not. The new smell is moldly and cold. She can’t remember why she remembered fire or blood or war or red but she does. It never leaves her.</i> Then the third thing happens. A bright light covers her visions and Catra thinks, this is it, this is the end. She’s going to heaven, or hell. But when it vanishes, the giant cat has dissapeared and she finds herself extremely exhausted.
 </p><p>
The vague figure of a woman appears in front of her and Catra pictures two cat ears on the side of her head and a tail hanging from her lower back. <i>Huh</i>, Catra laughs internally, <i>she kind of looks like me.</i> Perhaps this was her dead family, coming to take her home. So, when soft arms picked her up, wrapping their arms around her frail body, she did not fight. Catra had failed Queen C’yra and now she was dead. Would anyone come looking for her? No one would and besides, if they did, they wouldn’t come looking near the remains of a supposedly dead city. The bag with the key to getting into Halfmoon, helping the Magicats and their queen would be lost to the Whispering Woods for a long time. Queen C’yra waited a long time for Catra to find her and be sent on her journey and now she would have to do it again. Catra had failed her mission and so she would be replaced, like the Horde would do when they found out she was gone.
 </p><p>
Catra hoped, as the warm arms took her home, that wherever the afterlife was, that she would get to rest. She was tired. From fighting, from being evil, from being mean. Catra wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. It was surprising, that after all her thoughts of dying, that now as she lay on her deathbed that she didn’t want to go afterall. At least she would cause no harm to anyone else when she was dead. Not that there was anyone else to harm. She had already hurt everyone she has ever gotten close to. Adora, Scorpia, Entrapta, Lonnie, Shadow Weaver and even Hordak. Her old self would have fought back against death but that spark of hope had diminished and all that was left was the hollow shell of a teenage girl.
 </p><p>
Darkness came to her. It was a friend and it was like coming home. She was safe as it covered her vision and her senses cut off. The stench of blood and failure dissapeared and she could no longer see the forest. She sighed, going limp in the arms of death. It was no threat to her, Catra knew it was coming a long time ago. Ever since Shadow Weaver first punished her, called her worthless, or perhaps it was before that. She knew she would not live a full life, that she would die young. It was a shock she lived this long. Catra deserved this, though, for letting down C’yra and everyone she has ever known. Now, she was letting herself down by not fighting, not begging to live. She was barely alive, barely living before this all happened.
 </p><p>
Her mind went blank and her eyes rolled back in her head. And finally, she let out her last breath. <i>It was time.</i> Her thoughts went loose and her dreams and hopes and wishes and prayers scattered into the wind. Maybe they would come true now that they were free. Catra’s wishes to be a better person, for her to be worthy and useful, to be Shadow Weaver’s favourite, to have power and show her worth. Her dreams to be second-in-command, to crush the Rebellion, to return the crown to Halfmoon. Her hopes for Adora to return, for Entrapta to be safe, for everything to go back to how it used to be. Her prayers to finally be able to rest, to fight no longer. To one day, in another life or further down the road, be friends once again with Adora and be able to open up to her friends.
 </p><p>
And in the distance, a red crown, shimmering and glowing, being consumed by fire and dripping with blood. It glows and with it, Catra’s soul glows as well.
 </p><p>
Catra’s destiny may not be fufilled, her life has ended but this was only the end of the beginning. Only the end of an old life. Cats have nine lives and this is simply the next one. These were not her last moments on Etheria. She had more years to live and a long, dangerous road ahead of her. This is only the start of a great adventure. This is her second chance, her second life to fufill her dreams and hopes and be given a chance for her wishes and prayers to come true.
 </p><p>
'Death' whispers in her ear, “You are safe now, little one. You are coming home.”
</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
<i>______________________________________</i><br/>
<br/>
<i>You’re back inside my dreams</i><br/>
<i>Broken bones and empty screams</i><br/>
<i>Sleepless nights in buring sheets</i><br/>
<i>Lightning strikes inside my eyes</i><br/>
<i>Tell me is this love alive</i><br/>
<i>Tell me now or set me free</i><br/>
<br/>
<i>Oh, whatever you do</i><br/>
<i>Don’t come back for me</i><br/>
<i>After all I’ve bled for you</i><br/>
<i>I can hardly breathe</i><br/>
<i>And one more kiss</i><br/>
<i>Could take my life</i><br/>
<br/>
<i>- Come Back for Me by Jaymes Young</i><br/>
</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello everyone! Season five was amazing :) we got catradora in the end which im still screaming in joy about. </p><p>This is gonna be a long a/n, warning:</p><p>- first, sorry that Double Trouble seems so mean. I'm not trying to make them like that. Also, ignore any pronoun mistakes, sometimes i dont notice when im writing that i didnt change it.<br/>- Double Trouble's motives are hard to explain. They don't know about the heart of etheria/the super weapon but they dont think either side will win (or both?). If Catra comes back, then Double Trouble cant have their fun messing with the Horde so they want to know everything about her so if she does come back, they can chase her away,<br/>- Double Trouble also thinks Catra's character is hard to crack so they believe that if Catra came back to the Horde, she would see right through them. Since Catra hasn't chased any of her friends away yet, Double Trouble doesn't see that Catra would rely on them as a friend.</p><p>- The main pov's are going to be Catra, Glimmer (sometimes), Adora, Double Trouble, Scorpia, Lonnie and my OC, Adolphine.<br/>- Also, Hordak has no idea Catra is missing, Lonnie thinks Catra defected but the others think she was captured.<br/>- I've never dealt with PTSD before so I'm sorry if its super cringey to read or if its completely wrong.</p><p>- The ending is REALLY confusing. Believe me, I know. I read it and I was confused but I tried to change it but I kind of liked it so I kept it. Also, Catra seems to fall/die slowly but i had a lot to write. Really she falls in like 3 seconds. Catra shot herself by accident and fell back, she bascially did die but she gets saved. The figure holding her is not death. Catra thinks it is death and its carrying her home/to the afterlife. </p><p>- I dont know if you can die from one bullet but just go with it lol. </p><p>- EDIT: i said that this chapter was confusing but i dont know if it actually is. This isn't my best since I'm not very comfortable writing Double Trouble's character because they are very two-faced/many personalites. </p><p>Thats it! This book will continue into season five but I'm not changing anything really/only minor stuff. Adolphine is not a major figure in the part two/season five of this book. </p><p>Gabby :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. everything that has ever left me has only set me free</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>- Chapter Five-</p><p>Catra has found death a comfort the past weeks, knowing that whatever happened, one pull of a trigger and she would be in an eternal slumber. She would finally be free. She didn’t realise that death would be so painful, it almost seemed like she was still alive... </p><p>Lonnie and the squad enter the Whispering Woods secretly searching for Catra. If Catra was still alive somewhere in the woods, she wouldn't be for long. Lonnie and the others were not going to give up on finding their friend. Hopefully, it wouldn’t take long to find her. </p><p>She hoped Catra knew that she didn’t have to be alone anymore.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
<i>- the monsters in my head</i><br/>
<i>always knew</i><br/>
<i>that i would lose you</i><br/>
<i>in the end -</i><br/>
_______________________________________<br/>
</p>
</div><p>
Death wasn’t kind. It took good people, it took bad people and didn’t distinguish between the sinners and the saints. It snatched anyone it could at any time. The hooded cloak of death had always loomed near Catra. At a young age, Catra never expected to live a long life. Either she would die in the war or die from punishments she received. One day, Shadow Weaver wouldn’t threaten her with death anymore and dispose of her. No one would notice and no one would care. She would be replaced with another cadet and that would be the end of her life, the end of her part in the story. Her mark on Etheria would disappear with her. 
</p><p>
The fear of death went away when she got older. She had Adora by her side and with her, no one, not even Shadow Weaver or death, could take Catra away from her. They were meant to be, soulmates tied together since childhood and their future was bright. Then Adora left. Leaving her behind to live a better life with her new best friends. Choosing them because Catra was never enough to make Adora stay despite the fact that Adora was everything to her. She was the reason why Catra stayed with the Horde and didn't run away when she had the opportunity. Adora would beg her not to leave so she wouldn't. Catra begged her to stay years later and she didn’t. 
</p><p>
Shadow Weaver was right. All those times she told Catra that Adora didn’t care for her and that one day, Adora would see that Catra was a distraction who was only holding her down. It appeared that it was the other way around. Catra rose to the top once Adora left and was able to prove herself worthy. She had spent her whole life trying to prove her life was worth keeping. Now, the tables had turned and Catra was going to make everyone suffer the same pain she did. Make Adora suffer. It was a nice little dream she had but it would never come true because while Adora never had the guts to kill Catra, neither did she. War wasn’t a game but it needed many players for it to work. Some were willing, others were not. War and death went hand in hand. 
</p><p>
That was probably why Catra soon found death more of a comfort in her lonely life. Even when everything went downhill, when the price of power caught up to her, she knew that death was lurking close to her. A friend that would relieve her of her suffering when the time was right and welcome her to another life where she wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. No one would miss her, that hadn’t changed from when she was younger. How could you lose everything if you had nothing to begin with? Catra liked to imagine that Adora would miss her when she was gone, maybe Scorpia and Lonnie too. Perhaps they would have a funeral for her. Or they wouldn’t care and toss her stuff in the trash. These thoughts kept her up at night.  It was too late though to worry over that.
</p><p>
Catra was dead. 
</p><p>
It wasn’t how she expected to go. Her head was on fire, thousands of needles pierced through her skull and she couldn’t move at all. A blinding light was in front of her and for a second she thought she saw her old mask. It was gone in a second. Pain spread through her body like a virus, first her head, then her legs and arms, next her chest and finally her heart. Her heart was already broken. The shatters were held together by a thread of hope but that was gone. It had been broken for a long time. Catra sometimes wondered if it was always broken but she never realised until it cracked in half when Adora left. 
</p><p>
When death came for her, it was unlike anything else. Death had warm, gentle arms that picked her off the floor and carried her to her destination. There was no yelling at her to get up, no reaper to take her soul. It almost felt like she was going home. The warm feeling left quickly after it arrived and the pain started she expected. Screams cut through the silence and Catra groaned in her head for them to shut up before she realised it was her. The pain was what she deserved after everything she had but this was unbearable. It reminded her of Shadow Weaver’s magic wrapping around her and Hordak’s atmosphere machine suffocating her. Of Adora looking at her with disappointment when Catra rejected her offer or after Catra lost another battle with her. All the pain she had caused everyone else and all the pain they gave back in return flooded through her body and mind. If this was heaven, she didn’t want to know what hell was like. 
</p><p>
But a voice entered her head. A soft, calming voice that gave her the same warm feeling that death did when it held her in its arms. She felt at ease.
</p><p>
“Shhhh, it’s alright. You’re safe, little one.”
</p><p>
And then her eyes opened. It was bright and she covered her eyes with her hand. Her hand. She could move again. Catra groaned, turning over to her other side. All she wanted was to go back to sleep. The bed beneath her didn’t help. It was bouncy and the blanket wrapped around her was too soft, it was like it was suffocating her. Breath in, breath out. But she couldn’t because she couldn’t get air in her lungs and she was panicking. Her hands were shaking as she pushed the blanket off her body using her legs. She put her hands against her chest to try and help start her breathing when she felt it.
</p><p>
Her heart, it was beating. She almost didn't feel it, the beat soft and faint but it was there. This wasn't the afterlife. Catra wondered if she should be happy or upset because dead people didn’t have beating hearts which meant she was alive. Something, or someone, must have saved her. She couldn’t think of anyone who could have saved her or any reason why they would want to. Zarina had because that was in her nature but Catra didn’t think all Etheria was like that. If it was, the Horde wouldn’t have as many soldiers as it did. Catra closed her eyes, her breathing returning back to normal as her heartbeat soothed her. The red crown that she had seen in so many dreams appeared underneath her eyelids, the glow around it familiar and comforting yet empty. Without noticing, tears rolled down her cheeks and her eyes shot open, and she sat up, panting once again.
</p><p>
Footsteps echoed from next to her and her breath hitched but she didn’t look over to them. Someone else was in the room and they had seen her little meltdown, her weakness. Catra wasn’t going to give this stranger the satisfaction even if they had saved her from death. She hoped they would leave her alone if she pretended to be asleep but even in the silence, Catra could hear them breathing deeply. A hand rested on her shoulder and she flinched, her fur around the touch standing on edge. Catra scouted away from them, still not looking up at them.
</p><p>
“Oh, good. You’re awake. I heard shouting from down the hallway but I wasn’t sure if it was from you. Are you okay?” The stranger asked her and Catra spun her head around to answer with a snarky comment but her eyes widened, no words coming out.
</p><p>
A gasp erupted from her chest. This person had the same cat ears and tail that Catra thought she had imagined when she had passed out. It couldn’t be. When she first heard of Halfmoon, she knew there would be others like her here but she had never thought much about that. In the Horde, Catra had been the only one of her kind but here, she would be surrounded by others like her. Of course, there was a divider between her and them. They had fought against the Horde while Catra fought with them, bringing heartache and death wherever she went. So much death. She thought she had a purpose in the Horde but she was wrong, she was meant for destruction. A long time ago she wished for death to come and take her but she didn’t want to go anymore. Catra had a purpose now though she had fulfilled it, there was a hopeful life in front of her. She was in Halfmoon.
</p><p>
“I’m, I’m fine.” Catra pushed the feline away despite the fact she wanted more skin to skin contact. She had never had another Magicat to hug or touch before but Catra didn’t want to push her luck and she didn’t want to come off as weak. 
</p><p>
They raised an eyebrow at her, their ear twitching and Catra thought, Do I do that? “It doesn’t seem like it. You should have been asleep for a few more hours but you healed quicker than we expected you to. Your connection to the magic we used was strong.” 
</p><p>
Her mind went back to all those times Shadow Weaver punished her, the dark magic twisting around her until it became a constant thing in her nightmares. “I’ve had some, uh, experience with magic being used on me.”
</p><p>
“Oh, right, of course.” The Magicat backed down, “You were with the Horde, how could I forget?’ 
</p><p>
Catra went silent at that mention, her old clothes in her bag must have been peeking out until she remembered. Her bag was lost in the woods from when she fell but after searching around the room, she found it on a chair in the corner. The old clothes wouldn't be in there anymore, they had been tossed out in the Whispering Woods. There was nothing on her that would have exposed her. So how did this person know? She spun around so she was sitting in front of the other, her legs hanging off the side of the table bed.
</p><p>
“How did you know I was with the Horde?” Catra leaned up into the other cat’s face, narrowing her eyes. 
</p><p>
Their eyes widened, “You… don’t know?”
</p><p>
This was going nowhere if Catra didn’t push out answers before they ran away, “Know what?!”
</p><p>
“In the Battle of Halfmoon,” The person looked up at her, “You do know about the battle, right?” 
</p><p>
“I learnt a few days ago.”
</p><p>
She seemed to relax at the fact that she didn’t need to explain it, “In the battle, the Horde took twenty of our children. Afterwards, we decided to protect ourselves by barracking ourselves inside. Only hunters and travellers can leave. I haven’t seen you around here before. I assumed you were one of the twenty kids.”
</p><p>
“Am I in Halfmoon? Are you real? This feels like a dream.” Catra stretches her hand out to the older Magicat but she pulls back when it gets close. 
</p><p>
They grab her hand and smile gently, “You’re here. You’re home.”
</p><p>
Catra drops her hand to her side, “I don’t even know this place, I don’t even know you.”
</p><p>
The other girl grins, “Well, I’m Laura. Top warrior of Halfmoon and part-time nurse here as well.”
</p><p>
She shuffles herself off the table, “Catra. Can I leave this room now?” 
</p><p>
“Woah, woah, hold on. My friend, Adolphine, is going to show you around the city, she’s just running late.” Laura explains and Catra frowns.
</p><p>
“I don’t need a babysitter. I’ve been doing just fine by myself.” <i>Lies, lies, lies.</i> She went into the Whispering Woods by herself and almost died two times but Laura didn't need to know that. Catra moved to the door but a hand wraps around her wrist, yanking her back.  
</p><p>
She glares, opening her mouth but the older Magicat beats her to it, “You don’t have to be alone anymore. I don’t know what you’ve been through with the Horde but you don’t ever have to go back. Plus, I have a feeling you and Adolphine will get along quite well.”
</p><p>
Catra huffed, crossing her arms over her chest but sat back down, a relief to her body and to Laura. She was healing quite fast, the pain she felt from the bullet a distant memory but it was like after waking up from being attacked by the giant horned beast. Her bones were stiff from lying still for hours and there were a few bruises on the side of her leg. It was nothing she hadn’t dealt with before, in fact, this wasn’t too bad compared to other injuries she’s had. She didn't want to wear out her body on the first day even if she could handle more. 
</p><p>
The door swung open and a girl a few years younger than herself walked in. Catra would have assumed she was another Magicat but her wavy, ash brown hair had no tufts and she had fluffy grey wolf ears. On her behind was a cattail, her skin was a slightly darker colour than Catra's and on her arms were short stripes. Her eyes had large pupils but her left eye was forest and her right eye was blue. Then she blinked and her pupil shape changed to slits, the same as hers and Laura’s were. It was obvious, though, that this person was not a Magicat, or at least not a purebred. Queen C'yra told her that no outsiders could not get into Halfmoon unless they had Magicat blood. Whoever this person was, they had to have some shared relationship with the others. Catra could spot some similarities. 
</p><p>
“Is this her?” The girl asked, her pale blue shirt untucking out of her dark royal pants when she raised her arm to point at Catra. 
</p><p>
Laura nods, "Yep, this is Catra. Care to explain why you are so late?"
</p><p>
The girl shrugged in response to the question and then addressed Catra, "Hi, I'm Adolphine. Welcome to Halfmoon." <i>So this was Adolphine.</i> The girl smiled warmly and it reminded her of the Rebellion, being all kind and full of love and friendship. Catra didn’t know why Laura thought they would get along. 
</p><p>
"Thanks."
</p><p>
Adolphine offered her hand and reluctantly, not wanting to be rude to her hosts, took it. Her hand was smooth unlike Catra’s which was covered in scratches. Catra hopped off the bed but found her hand still trapped tightly in Adolphine’s hand. "Bye Laura! See you later." The girl waved and Catra did the same though before she could say thank you, she was dragged out of the room and into the hallway. 
</p><p>
"Halfmoon is quite big, despite the massive destruction down on her city 18 years ago. So we will have to do half the city today and the rest tomorrow!" She rambles on, not letting go of Catra's hand as she swerves around other Magicats. 
 </p><p>
Catra frowns, watching how the people step out of the way for Adolphine. Was this them being polite or was the girl special in the city? She observes how people look up at Adolphine with awe in their eyes and little kids wave at her, giggling to their friends. A short Magicat with light armour on in shades of blue, white and silver, like Queen C'yra's armour, walks up to them. The new girl has dark brown skin and hair with mocha brown eyes. Adolphine brightens up as the girl stops in front of her.
 </p><p>
The Magicat bows, "Princess Adolphine. Is this the newcomer?"
 </p><p>
<i>Princess?</i> Catra's eyebrows rise and she stares at Adolphine. Images of the other princesses she's met, the same one's she's fought, filled her head but none of them were like Adolphine. Adolphine looks like any other Magicat here, no fancy dresses or glittery crowns. It explained why other citizens cleared a path for her, why they stared and waved at her. The other princesses were annoying, let their people do all the hard work and were full of friendship and love. Easy to push around as well, especially Sparkles. They didn't understand the concept of war, not like Catra did. Adolphine returned all her people's smiles and didn't gloat about her status. She was just another victim in this war, born into royalty.
 </p><p>
"I told you, Maia, call me Adolphine. You were my friend long before you became my bodyguard. Nothing has changed except for the fact that you are now allowed to carry around a sword without getting in trouble." The way she speaks, it's nothing compared to the other princesses. It's comfortable and the girl, Maia, rolls her eyes at Adolphine's comment but smiles.
 </p><p>
"This is Catra. She'll be living in the palace until we can find her original family so you two will be bumping into each other a lot." Adolphine steps to the side, revealing Catra fully. She fights back the urge to cower away or to stand up straight and slip on her strong, cold looking facade.
 </p><p>
Maia sticks out her hand, "My name's Maia. Adolphine's friend and bodyguard. I'm supposed to protect her from any threats but to be honest, I only signed up because I get this cool looking armour and a sword."
 </p><p>
"Catra. Former soldier of the Horde and a complete mess. Are there any jobs here where I don't have to work but I still get a sword?" She expects since those two are acting all casual that her joke won't go over their head. Adolphine shakes her head, a grin on her face, and Maia laughs.
 </p><p>
"I wish. If a job like that comes up, you'll be the second to know because I'll be the first."
 </p><p>
She smiles, "Alright. That's fair."
 </p><p>
Adolphine clapped her hand together excitedly, "Look at you two, getting along. Catra, can you give us a minute alone? If you head straight down this path, you'll find our history hall. Just wait there for me, okay?"
 </p><p>
Catra nodded and left the two to themselves. As she walked away, she heard Maia whisper, "I like that girl, she's got a good sense of humor."
 </p><p>
The history hall was after passing multiple houses and shops. There was no door but an arch to enter. Looking down the hallway, Catra saw more rooms after this one but few had doors and she was unsure what contents they held. The twists and turns in the city reminded her of the Frightzone but Catra wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. On the walls were shelves full of antique objects, pictures of the history of Halfmoon and paragraphs explaining what happened. It started with a photo of an elegant woman, a silver glow all around her with a gold moon crescent on her white dress. Underneath, a captain read: 'The Moon Goddess, Luna, who granted the Magicats their moon crystal, magic and crown.'
 </p><p>
Luna apparently saw hidden potential inside the queen but she was dying. The first queen, Elara, tried to save the goddess but Luna gave the people magic of their own. Before she died, Luna used her blood and magic to forge a crown to help harness the power. After the death of Luna, Queen Elara found that the crown gave her more magic compared to her people and family. No one knew how much they could do but Queen Elara found she could transform her human body into a giant cat. The giant cat whispered to Queen Elara about the amount of power Queen Elara and her people had. It seemed dangerous to the Queen's advisors when she spoke of it so she did not follow through with the giant cat's plans. The giant cat was angry and took control over Queen Elara. In the end, Queen Elara was constantly changing between human form and the giant cat and she was scared for Halfmoon. So, in the middle of a transformation, she cut herself off from the moon crystal. This killed the giant cat, who was made of pure magic, but also killed Queen Elara. All that is left of her is two gems, a blue crystal and a clear crystal, which changes colour depending on the user. The two crystals are placed in the slots of the Queen's crown which controls her giant cat form and allows her not to get overtaken by power.
 </p><p>
Catra soaked in this information, reading about how the next queen, Queen Katrina, spent her life researching magic. She became the greatest sorcerer Halfmoon has ever known and most studies about Magicat magic is written by her. Then she finds the part about Queen C'yra. It was sparse- born with incredible power, died in the battle, lost the heir to the throne. Despite her potential, C'yra did not achieve anything great like her ancestors did but she was loved by her people. Catra wondered if that would have been her if she had joined the Rebellion when she had the chance- not important but liked.  Adolphine was on the wall as well along with a picture of the missing heir, a small baby, with heterochromia eyes. One blue and one yellow, like Catra's were.
 </p><p>
"Oh! There you are." Adolphine sauntered up next to her, "Ugh, that picture of me is so old! I've tried asking my mum to replace it with a newer one but she won't budge."
 </p><p>
She chuckles and turns around to look at the many statues of Magicat woman. There were seven statues in total in a row. The first one looked like Queen Elara in one of the photos. Queen Elara looked gentle and on her head she wore a circlet with a glazed crystal in the middle. Catra tried to identify the rest of the statues but they were all nameless faces. Until her gaze fell on the sixth statue and she recognized the Magicat. Catra could never forget that face. It was Queen C'yra but wearing a red dress with gold patches along with a white belt and jacket. A smile was painted on her face and she seemed so magical, so different from her hologram version. Not scared or frantic and no wrinkle lines on her face. She was portrayed as young and happy and Catra wished Queen C'yra had stayed that way longer.
 </p><p>
Adolphine steps up beside her, "That was my aunt, Queen C'yra. She died in the Battle of Halfmoon." She stopped abruptly, the war was still a touchy subject for the Magicats and Catra could understand why. "And that's my mum!" She pointed to the last statue, the most recent, "Queen Irma. You'll meet her later."
 </p><p>
Queen Irma wore a long blue and silver dress which stood out compared to the other queen's gold and red clothes. "Those are the traditional princess colours of Halfmoon and the red and gold is for the queen. Other royalty wear a mix of both." Adolphine explains, "It doesn't feel right for my mum wearing the queen's colours. She still holds a lot of grief for my aunt."
 </p><p>
On her head was the same circlet that Queen Elara had. Catra realised though that the five queens between the first and seventh wore a different headpiece. Her eyes widened, the shape of the headpiece was the same as the one in her dreams and the one in her bag. The fabric felt warm against her chest but she chose to ignore it. Her hand shook as she raised it to point at the almost identical mask she had worn for years that was now in front of her again, sculpted on statues of queens.
 </p><p>
"What is that?" Her voice didn't crack, staring up at the headpiece on Queen C'yra's head that she wasn't wearing in the hologram.
 </p><p>
"That's the royal crown, for the queen. The royal crown went missing when the heir to the throne was taken. That's why Queen Irma isn't wearing the crown but instead the old queen's crown that Queen Elara wore before the royal crown was created." Adolphine explains and she seems uncomfortable when she mentions the heir. Her supposed sister she never met.
 </p><p>
Her bag's warmth turns into a raging fire, burning her skin and she rips open the bag, huffing as she digs through it for whatever is causing it. Her eyes linger over her red mask and she picks it up. The warmth disappears but it was like back in the woods, the mask wants her to put it on. Instead, she takes it out of the bag and a gasp escapes Adolphine's mouth. Catra holds it out to her and Adolphine goes to reach for it but her hand hovers over it before she retracts her hand.
 </p><p>
"I think this belongs to you."
 </p><p>
"The crown..." Adolphine whispers, holding it gently in her grasp, "How, how do you have this?"
 </p><p>
Catra shrugs, looking away, "I found it by accident when I was young in the Fright Zone. Don't even know how but something inside me told me to take it so I did. My... <i>caretaker</i> allowed me to have it and when I was old enough, I wore it almost everyday. Soldiers in the Horde aren't allowed to have personal items so the mask was something important to me. If I knew it was yours I would have returned it a long time ago."
 </p><p>
Adolphine doesn't say anything, gazing at the crown in her hands as if she doesn't think it's real. Then she speaks, "You, you wore it?"
 </p><p>
"Yeah," Catra rubs the back of her neck, "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was a crown and-"
 </p><p>
"Only the heir to the throne can wear the crown. Anyone else who tries is burnt. It pulls the proper wearer to it when it knows they are ready." The younger Magicat continues.
 </p><p>
Catra frowns, "What are you trying to say?"
 </p><p>
Adolphine sighs, taking a deep breath and stares directly into Catra's eyes. She places the crown on Catra's head and it fits perfectly like it was made for her. Catra's breath hitches when the cold metal touches her head but then she relaxes, feeling at home. Adolphine shakes her head, taking the crown off Catra’s head and holds out her hand for Catra to take.
 </p><p>
"I think it's time we visit the King and Queen, my parents."
 </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
________________________<br/>
</p>
</div><p>
Catra was out there, Lonnie knew she had to be. She was unstoppable, rose up to the top of the Horde’s hierarchy, and found herself in Lord Hordak’s inner circle, even if she wasn’t completely on his good side at the moment. It was ridiculous to believe that in one day in the Whispering Woods, she was captured by the rebels or injured by the enemy. This was Catra they were talking about. She fought and fought until she couldn’t give anymore. She fought until her dying breath. Lonnie was never close to Catra and she would never admit to her but she missed the furball. The Frightzone had been better with Catra as second in command instead of Shadow Weaver. People could laugh and have fun, joke around without someone threatening them with punishment. It was still the Horde, of course, but things were different with Catra up at the top. 
 </p><p>
No search teams were allowed to go after Catra because no one knew about her disappearance. They had no leads about her and Double Trouble reported back to them that Catra was not in their prison which supposedly was a guest room. So when Lord Hordak reported to Lonnie that the squad was going to be sent into the Whispering Woods to receive a special armoury, she knew this was the best excuse to search for Catra. Lonnie needed proof that Catra had defected so the others would stop searching for Catra in the Rebellion and look for her in villages nearby. The others needed to understand.
 </p><p>
The mission did not turn out how Lonnie expected. Acid rain fell from the sky, causing a problem with their transport and Kyle risked his life to fix it. For the first time since the past four days, Catra was the last thing on her mind. It proved Lonnie’s theory though. The Whispering Woods were dangerous, the squad were in there for less than a day and they almost didn’t make it back alive. Catra had been lost out there for four days and even her natural survival instincts wouldn’t keep her safe for that long. Their friend was somewhere else, a near village or town, all by her own trying to find a better life for herself than what the Horde could offer. Lonnie wished Catra had known that she didn’t have to do it alone but she always had to go and try to prove herself to others. 
 </p><p>
It wasn’t Catra’s fault, Shadow Weaver did messed up things to all of them but she targeted Catra the most. Calling her worthless and lazy and a waste of space. Back then, Lonnie joined in to make her dominance known but their childish days were over and Lonnie and Catra cleared things up between them. Now, it was Lonnie’s turn to payback Catra for everything Lonnie had done, or not done, to Catra. Catra may not know it now but when she needed her friends, she’d be there along with Kyle, Rogelio and Scorpia. They didn’t need sparkly princesses or She-ra or the Rebellion and neither did Catra. The four of them would be there for Catra and they would find her in time, they wouldn’t give up.
 </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
________________________<br/>
</p>
</div><p>
Queen Irma was sitting on her throne when Adolphine and Catra entered the palace. She was just like the sculptor had depicted her in the statue. Elegance and grace, her dark blue dress with gold patches. Part princess, part queen. A man sat on a smaller throne next to hers and Catra assumed he was the King. He wore blue and gold robes and a circlet on his head as well though his was less detailed than the Queen's.
 </p><p>
The queen looked up when they walked in and Catra, remembering that they were her hosts, bowed low. "Rise, child. We do not do that here." Queen Irma says and Catra stands up straight, a slight blush on her cheeks.
 </p><p>
"Mum, Dad, this is Catra. She's the Magicat we found out in the woods injured." Both the queen and king tilt their heads to the side in confusion. Adolphine sighs and adds, "From the Horde."
 </p><p>
"Oh! Yes," Queen Irma smiles, "Welcome to Halfmoon, Catra. I am Queen Irma and this is King Felix, but you can call us Irma and Felix. You are our guest."
 </p><p>
Felix nods, "I thought your tour was going to take longer, Dolphi?"
 </p><p>
Adolphine shuffles her feet, "Yeah, um, something came up." She brings her hands in front of her, revealing the crown in her palms. Gasps echo around the room and it's how Adolphine expects it to go.
 </p><p>
"Is that...?" Queen Irma pauses, hesitating in what she says.
 </p><p>
"The crown." King Felix finishes.
 </p><p>
Adolphine nods, "Catra found it in the Frightzone as a child and she's been wearing it for years now."
 </p><p>
Irma looks confuzzled, "And it didn't burn her?" Adolphine shakes her head and Irma stutters out, "But, but that means? No, it can't be."
</p><p>
"Who else can it be, tiger?" Felix reaches out for his wife's hand but she yanks it away before he can.
 </p><p>
The queen stands up from her throne and stalks down to where the two girls are currently standing. Rage is present in her eyes, fury behind those dark blue pupils and Catra, for the first time since she has arrived in Halfmoon, is worried. What happens if Queen Irma kicks her out of Halfmoon? She has nowhere else to go. No one would want her anyway. At least here she might be able to make a home, make a family and have a chance at being happy. If someone would only explain what was happening with the crown and what that had to do with her. There was something they weren't telling her that seemed important and could change everything.
 </p><p>
Before she can do anything, the crown is ripped from her hands and the queen snaps the crown in half. Except, it doesn't. Queen Irma's attempt at breaking the crown failed and the crown was still whole. She stared down at it and without hesitation, slipped it on her head. It was pulled off her head a few seconds later when the queen hissed in pain and revealed a small spot of red on her head. The crown had burnt a patch of her skin and shock ribbled throughout the room, Catra being the only person confused on what was going on. Her gaze switched from the crown to Catra and then back to crown. A sigh escaped the queen's lips and then the crown was slipped onto her own head, like Adolphine had done. This was different from last time, Queen Irma had calloused hands yet warmth spread from them like fire.
 </p><p>
Everyone in the room held their breath, waiting for Catra to pull the crown off with a yelp and show a red mark on her forehead. To their surprise once again, nothing happened. Catra stared at the queen with a dumbfounded look on her face and wondered why the King and Queen, the guards and even the servants were looking at her. Adolphine suppressed a grin and laid her hand on Catra's shoulder.
 </p><p>
"It's her." Queen Irma whispered, stumbling backwards like something had hit her.
 </p><p>
A thousand more questions flooding her head, who was this <i>her</i> they were talking about? What did the crown have to do with this and why had it burned the queen but not her? No one in the room seemed willing to speak up so Catra yelled, "What's going on?! Can someone tell me what this is all about?"
 </p><p>
Silence filled the room and then Queen Irma sighed, placing her hands on Catra's shoulders, "You're the missing princess."
 </p><p>
Catra cackled outloud, waiting for everyone else to join in or yell "Just kidding!" but it didn't come. Her cackle turned into nervous laughter as she realised they weren't joking. She pushed the Queen away from her, "This has to be a mistake. I'm no princess."
 </p><p>
"The crown chose you, Catra." Adolphine softly speaks, "That is why you were not burnt. You are our next queen. Our crown has returned along with our princess."
 </p><p>
"No," Catra shakes her head, backing away from everyone, "No! I, I won't be your princess. You don't need me, you have Adolphine. Have her as your next queen. Not me, I-" Catra doesn't know what else to say so she does the best next thing, she runs.
 </p><p>
The palace doors are slammed open and she dashes down the stairs, not stopping. Someone calls out to her, perhaps Adolphine yelling, "Catra, wait!" But she doesn't. Catra came to Halfmoon to start anew, be just another face in the crowd and not to be a princess, to be their next queen. They won't want her once they find out what she has done, how much pain she has caused others. Madame Razz told her that she chose her destiny, not the other way around, but everything seemed to be catching up to her. Her past was following her everywhere she went while her future was right in front of her yet out of reach. Catra was confused and tired. She would not be a princess, that was not who she was made to be. She would not wear frilly dresses and be elegant, she was a feral animal and they belonged in the wild.
 </p><p>
The Whispering Woods was not Catra's favourite option of where to go now but if she stayed in there, no one would follow her in. It was too dangerous. Once they knew she was gone, they would move on with their life and realise it was better off this way. Catra wouldn't be able to hurt them that way like she hurts everyone that ever gets close to her. That way they wouldn't be able to hurt her either. She was safer alone.
 </p><p>
Magicats stepped back to make way for her as she barreled down the streets. The exit was right in front of her but Catra could hear Adolphine chasing after her so she picked up the pace. As she neared the large arch, she glanced behind her but Adolphine was out of sight. Catra grinned but bumped into something hard, losing her footing and landing on the floor. The barrier was there but when Catra put her hand against it, waiting for it to vanish and let her through, it stayed solid. She  then remembered Laura telling her that only warriors and travellers were allowed to leave. Catra was neither. The barrier must be a safety precaution so no one other than those permitted could leave. Looking behind, Adolphine was a blob in the midst of all the people but she was visible which meant she was too close to Catra. Her fate was set. Adolphine would drag her back to the palace and she would be forced into being their heir of the throne. She was done for.
 </p><p>
Groaning in defeat, she banged her head against the barrier but instead of hitting a solid wall, Catra fell through onto the floor. Eyes wide and flabbergasted at what happened, Catra presses her palm to the barrier but it is solid again. She has no time to question how she got through because a familiar figure appears from behind a family of Magicats. It's Adolphine. Catra scrambles to her feet but is relieved when Adolphine stops at the barrier. The princess of Halfmoon can't get through because she is not allowed to be outside. This was Catra's chance to run away but something inside her didn't want to go, a heavy weight in her stomach.
 </p><p>
"Catra, please listen!" Adolphine shouted from the other side of the barrier but Catra had to go.
 </p><p>
She goes to brush her hair back when her nails scratch against a cold metal. The crown. It was still on her head after the queen had put it on her. Guards, including Maia, were running over to them, having heard the commotion. Adolphine cried out to her again but Catra panicked and darted to the border of the woods. Catra would have to return the crown tomorrow, leave it at the barrier for someone to find. But before she disappeared into the Whispering Woods, Catra glanced behind her and stared a desperate Adolphine in the eyes.
 </p><p>
Maybe in another life the Battle of Halfmoon would never have happened and Catra would grow up as a princess next to Adolphine. Maybe they would be best friends and Catra wouldn't be scared to become the next queen. Maybe she would go to the Princess Ball not as a plus one but as a princess and be friends with the other princesses. Maybe she would be friends with Adora again. But none of that was real. Another dream that would never come true and it was useless to think of what she would change in the past. Catra had thought of plenty of what-ifs before.
 </p><p>
So, with one last look at the life that could have been, Catra turns away from the screaming Magicat and hurries into the Whispering Woods. It's quiet and calm, like how it was the last time Catra was here. Picking a nice spot up against a tree, Catra snuggles up against her bag and falls asleep. She would leave again when she woke up after she dropped off the crown and find some other place to stay. The sound of two little girls both in dresses and crowns, one with dark brown hair and the other with a lighter brown, laughing and playing filled her head. Two little, innocent Magicat children together at last, the only ones in the world.
 </p><p>
Catra couldn't tell if this was a dream or a nightmare.
 </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
______________________________________<br/>
</p>
  <p>
<i>So when you walk out that door</i><br/>
<i>Don’t come back no more</i><br/>
<i>My heart has had enough of the give and take</i><br/>
<i>And as much as I want you to stay</i><br/>
</p>
  <p>
<i>You’re a dangerous love</i><br/>
<i>And baby, you’re no good for me, darling</i><br/>
<i>‘Cause if you’re gonna love me and leave me hanging here</i><br/>
<i>Then I’d rather you leave me lonely</i><br/>
<i>Even though it hurts</i><br/>
<i>You’re a dangerous love</i><br/>
</p>
  <p>
<i>- Dangerous Love by Ariana Grande</i><br/>
</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi everyone! I hope this was a chapter you guys were waiting for, Adolphine and Catra finally meet and Catra is revealed to be the princess. I've read many fanfics about Catra finding out she's a princess and she reacts calmly but I feel like Catra would run away. idk. </p><p>Adolphine and King Felix are half-magicat and half-gundolf (wolf creature (i used a random wolf name generator)). </p><p>Lonnie's part was short because I got bored writing it but next chapter will be longer for her and Scorpia too. </p><p>Side note, it has been around four days since Catra left the Horde. It took her until mid afternoon when she was attacked by the horned beast and then woke up in the village late morning the next day. She walked until night and then she fell asleep. The next day she is woken up by a nightmare and finds Halfmoon on the same day. She is attacked by the giant cat and passes out. She wakes up the next day and finds out she is a princess. </p><p>Also, the backstory on the crown and the crystals along with the goddess and Queen Elara is very complicated bc I get a new idea which messes everything up. Here is a quick summary:</p><p>Moon goddess lands on Etheria and is injuried. She meets the Magicats and Queen Elara and sees their inner magic. When she dies, she gives magic to them and puts her magic in the queen and forges a crown using her blood (hence why its red). The moon crystal was found with her and is used to help their magic. Queen Elara finds out she can turn into a giant cat but she is unbalanced with her emotions and it keeps talking to her about becoming the cat fully for power. She gets scared for her people and kills herself halfway through transformation. Her soul/magic turns into a blue crystal and the giant cat into a clear cyrstal which turns different colours based on the wearer/user. This and the crown are passed down to each queen (whoever the crown chooses). The crystals make that balance in the queen without the queen needing to so they can rule without trouble. The crown flows the magic through the body without need for extra training. </p><p>Hope that clears things up? Any questions just put them in the comments and I will answer them. Compliments and criticism is welcome :) Just know this is a no hate area. </p><p>Gabby :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. what causes night in our souls may leave stars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>- Chapter Six -</p><p>Scorpia isn't sure what to believe anymore. The Horde isn't her home but it's all she has. But knowing that Entrapta was sent to Beast Island doesn't sit right with her and with Catra gone, all Scorpia really wants is her friends back. Wherever they are, is where she will go. Her friends are her home. So Scorpia has to make a decision. The Horde or the Rebellion?</p><p>But Scorpia isn't the only one with conflicting feelings. When Catra gets a surprise visit from an old lady and a certain Magicat, she has to decide if Halfmoon can really be home. Is her destiny really to be their queen or is it something more?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
<i>- it can turn the sky crimson </i><br/>
<i>and keep your bones </i><br/>
<i>warm all night</i><br/>
<i>but in the end, It’s still fire - </i><br/>
_______________________________________<br/>
</p>
</div><p>
With Catra out of commission, a new second in command had been chosen for the time being. Lord Hordak would have been fine without a new one but Entrapta was gone as well so he needed the extra hands.
 </p><p>
Scorpia reminded herself it was only temporary as she walked down the halls by herself. She was the last remaining member of the super pal trio in the Horde and she stared at the stiff guards under new rule. Catra would be found and she would come back to the Frightzone and everything would be normal again and Octavia would go back to where she came from. But even she couldn’t cheer up the others.
 </p><p>
Lonnie, Kyle and Rogelio had gotten what Lord Hordak needed but had failed their real mission, finding Catra. Now with Octavia yelling at them all and giving them orders, the squad was on their last straw. Scorpia seemed to be the only one certain that Catra had been captured or injured, waiting for them to rescue her. Truthfully, Scorpia didn’t want to admit that Catra had left willingly, that she wasn’t enough for her to confide in or at least give a goodbye to.
 </p><p>
Did Catra not trust her that much? She knew Catra was closed off and ruder than the rest but that was who Catra was. Once you got to know her, you noticed her acts of kindness. How she would give Scorpia her brown stuff because Scorpia told Catra it was her favourite even though everyone disagreed. How Catra would listen to Entrapta talk for hours about her new experiments because Entrapta would let her play with her hair and she found parts of her discoveries interesting.   
 </p><p>
There was good inside of Catra, it seemed no one else had found it yet. Scorpia thought Adora understood since the two were once best friends but she was wrong. Adora thought Catra was mean and evil and heartless while Scorpia knew Catra was warm and kind and amazing. Yet Catra always chose Adora every time despite Adora never choosing her and Scorpia always picking Catra. It was a lose-lose situation.
 </p><p>
Hordak had given Scorpia a personal assignment. He was working on a project that Entrapta had been helping him with but because she was now in Beast Island, that was no longer the case. He needed her notes so he gave the task to Octavia who gave it to Scorpia. Even though Entrapta shared her theories and experiments, her notes were private. They were a mess but to Entrapta there was an order. Scorpia wished she had paid more attention to where Entrapta kept those notes because as she wandered around the Frightzone, she realised she had no idea where Entrapta kept them.
 </p><p>
“Ow!” Crashing into someone, Scorpia backs up frantically.
 </p><p>
“I am so sorry. Are you-” Scorpia stares at the other soldier, “Lonnie? What are you doing down here?”
 </p><p>
Lonnie shows a tablet hidden underneath her arms, “I’m stuck calling Double Trouble for their report since Hordak’s busy.”
 </p><p>
At this, Scorpia brightens up and she leans forward, “Do they have any information on Catra? Have they found her in any of the kingdom's prisons?”
 </p><p>
She sighs, “Scorpia… Catra hasn’t been captured, the Rebellion is as shocked as we are.”
 </p><p>
“Well, why else is she missing then?” Scorpia asks, frustrated.
 </p><p>
“She left, okay!” Lonnie yells back, “If she was captured, she would have pressed her force captain badge and notified us of her location but she hasn’t. We’re working on locating her but we don’t know if she’ll want to come back to the Horde.”
 </p><p>
Scorpia is silent and Lonnie goes to continue her way down the hallway when the other girl speaks up, “She really did leave. Leaving us to deal with the mess she’s made.”
 </p><p>
“Hey.” Lonnie says, “This isn’t all Catra’s fault. You can’t blame her for defecting. What’s left here for her?”
 </p><p>
“<i>Us.</i>” Scorpia emphasises, adding in a low voice, “Me.”
 </p><p>
“We’ll find her, okay? And then she can explain everything to us. There could be a different reason why she left. Hordak say anything about a secret mission or something?” Lonnie questions, trying to get Scorpia to cheer up. If the scorpion is sad, it spreads like wildfire to the rest of them.
 </p><p>
Scorpia shakes her hand, “No. He only gave second-in-command Octavia the task to find Entrapta’s notes for his weapon which she gave to me.”
 </p><p>
Lonnie winces, “That still feels weird to hear.” The other girl agrees with her and before Lonnie walks away, she says, “Try looking in the Horror Hall. That’s where you put Emily, right? Her notes might be there too.”
 </p><p>
The scorpion thanks the girl for the help and heads that way. It’s at the top of a tower and Scorpia’s legs are sore once she reached the place. She doesn’t even have to properly look around to know that the recordings aren’t here. There was only a bunch of unfinished projects or failed experiments and junk. Emily is up here though and Scorpia might as well get away from Octavia and the chaos of the Fright Zone while she’s here.  Before she has to go searching again for the recordings, of course. The bot makes a happy beep at her to say hello and Scorpia plops down on a chair next to her.
 </p><p>
“Hey Emily, you wouldn’t happen to know where Entrapta’s recordings are, would you?” If anyone would know where they were, it would be Emily. Emily had been Entrapta’s first project and her first friend other than herself and Catra.
 </p><p>
Emily sat up, beeping, and played a video above her head of Entrapta placing the recordings inside the bot. Scorpia grins and stands up, “Oh this is great! I can tell Force Captain Octavia and then she might see I’m not as useless as she thinks!”
 </p><p>
She gets as far as taking a few steps before the bot goes rolling in front of her, blocking the exit. Another video is played, showing Entrapta breaking apart a bot and holding up a small box, beaming, and then Scorpia understands. To get the recordings, Scorpia would have to disassemble Emily. Entrapta has done it before to other bots but everyone knew that Emily was special to Entrapta. How would she explain to Entrapta that her best friend had been tossed away when she returned? But that was only a thought, Entrapta was on Beast Island and no one came back from there. She wouldn't even know that Emily was scraped but Scorpia would know and the guilt would eat her alive. She couldn't do that to her friend.
 </p><p>
Emily must have sensed Scorpia’s inner turmoil and an image appeared from the bot. It was the three of them together, herself sitting on one side of the couch with a smile on her face, Catra leaning against Entrapta and a finger twirled around the purple hair with her legs hanging off the side. And in the middle was Entrapta sitting with her hair spread all around them and a piece of tech in her lap. Staring at the picture, Scorpia sighs and slumps back into her chair.
 </p><p>
“It’s not the same without them, you know? The squad are great but I never really connected with them. Entrapta and Catra were my only friends in the Fright Zone and now they’re gone. Octavia doesn’t even care about us anyway, not as Catra did, and I want to do something about it but I’ll be punished if I do. I really miss them, Emily.” It feels weird ranting to a bot but Scorpia needed to get that off her chest.
 </p><p>
A question mark flickers over the bot’s head and then the picture of the three of them. Scorpia’s eyes widen, “Oh! We are looking for Catra, so far we know she’s not with the Rebellion or in the Whispering Woods but that still leaves lots of areas to search. We’ll find her though. Entrapta is different, she was sent to Beast Island so there’s no way we can help her. The Horde won’t bring back anyone from there, it’s a lost cause.”
 </p><p>
The members of the Rebellion- the princesses, the Sea Hawk guy, Arrow Boy, the horse, and She-ra, all in one picture are shown in front of Scorpia. She frowns. What was Emily trying to tell her? Was she asking how the Rebellion was going? To be honest, Scorpia wasn’t sure what was happening over with them, she could care less. Double Trouble had reported that it was fun messing with the Rebellion but it would take longer before their real plan went into motion and things would fall apart. Scorpia wasn't too sure what the whole plan was anyways. Emily sensing her confusion, changed the picture back to the picture of the three of them and then back to the Rebellion but instead, the Rebellion was helping a bunch of villagers.
 </p><p>
It then dawned on Scorpia what Emily was trying to tell her, “Oh! Can the Rebellion help? I don’t know… The princesses used to be friends with Entrapta so maybe if I went to them, they could help! But what about Catra?”
 </p><p>
Lonnie, Kyle and Rogelio in training showed and Scorpia grinned, “Perfect! The squad can look for Catra and I can look for Entrapta with the Rebellion. But should I defect? What if I get caught? And what about Lonnie and the others?”
 </p><p>
A picture of Catra appeared. “I guess you’re right, Catra left and she wasn’t caught. I don’t know if Lonnie would be able to cover for me as well, though. I’ll leave a note instead explaining why so they don’t get worried.”
 </p><p>
Emily beeps happily and Scorpia’s pincer rubs the top of the bot’s head, “When did you get this smart Emily? Must be Entraptas programming. Don’t worry, we’ll get Entrapta and Catra back and she can apologize and we can be the super pal trio once again!”
 </p><p>
The bot beeps again though Scorpia isn’t sure why it sounds so doubtful. Everything would be fine so she brushes the thought away. She remembers Octavia though, the Force Captain would come to find her if she didn’t give her the recordings and how would Scorpia tell her that she was leaving without getting punished. An idea popped in her head and Scorpia scavenged around for a piece of broken tech. She would tell Octavia that the recordings got damaged and defect later with Emily. 
 </p><p>
It wasn’t a solid plan but Scorpia could leave through a back entrance and grab a skiff. Her Force Captain badge gave her a lot of privileges in the Fright Zone so it wouldn’t be too hard to steal a skiff and go. Scorpia wondered why Catra never thought of doing that instead, it seemed like the way she would enjoy defecting.
 </p><p>
Scorpia pats Emily again and says, “Meet me out by the back later near the skiffs. I’ll see you soon and then we’ll start our journey to Brightmoon.”
 </p><p>
Heading down the stairs, she thinks about what to bring with her. She was different from the other force captains who only kept practical things in their rooms. Scorpia had pictures and a plush scorpion and drawings and souvenirs. Her room was personal, decorated to fit her personality. She might never see her room again but it would be too much to bring everything in her room. Her bag had to be light and easy to move around with so if something attacked her, she could fight back.
 </p><p>
Soon, she found herself standing in the middle with a bag in front of her, open and empty. The letter she was going to leave for Lonnie or someone else to find was already written out and folded up on her bed next to her Force Captain Badge as well. A handful of pictures of her parents and her friends and some drawings she drew went into the bag along with rations and water bottles.
 </p><p>
Despite her heart aching, the plush scorpion had to stay behind and a bunch of little nick-nacks she had. Her pencils went in and finally, the jacket Catra gave her in the Crimson Waste. She would have left it but it reminded her of why she was doing this.
 </p><p>
To get back those days when Catra was happy and smiling and they didn’t need to worry about Hordak or the Rebellion. For those days where the three of them piled on the couch with snacks and Scorpia drew and Catra napped and Entrapta talked about her newest projects and it was good. If she didn’t do this, what would happen to them? On the outside, she was calm but she was scared for them both. This wasn’t like the time Sparkles and Arrow Boy captured Catra or when Entrapta had the decision of leaving the Horde to join the Rebellion. Those times, both of them came back home to her but now, Catra had run away and Entrapta was miles away from them and Scorpia had no idea if they were okay.
 </p><p>
Her friends meant everything to her and with the squad looking for Catra, Scorpia could get the Rebellion to search for Entrapta. And then the three of them could meet up again and it would be like the good old days. They would cry and hug and Catra would complain and Entrapta would fiddle with some tech and Scorpia would be happy.
 </p><p>
So she zips up her bag and heads to Force Captain Octavia’s room. It’s empty, as usual, so Scorpia plops down the broken piece of tech and a note explaining why it’s broken. She adds a second note underneath it with a not so nice paragraph of how Octavia was a bad leader. There was no kindness or getting to know her cadets.
 </p><p>
Catra knew how many people had been killed or injured under command, knew soldiers' names and even though her exterior was cold, it was expected. A leader had to be in control and couldn’t show weakness or vulnerability. People often compared her to Shadow Weaver and Scorpia had watched Catra slip into that mould, yelling and screaming and wanting power.
 </p><p>
Maybe Scorpia should have tried harder to show Catra how much she cared.
 </p><p>
Then again, what else could she have done? Catra pushed her away so matter how hard Scorpia tried. All she could do now was leave the Horde in hopes of doing the right thing. Not to join the Rebellion or end the war but to make the most important people in her life happy. They would find Catra and Entrapta and everything would be how it was before. Scorpia would go to any means to find her friends, even if it meant joining the enemy.

</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
__________________________________<br/>
</p>
</div><p>
It wasn’t until later that day when Lonnie noticed something was wrong. She was surveying the area, watching for any Rebellion attacks. Double Trouble had reported that there should be none over here since the princesses were tackling down Horde troops along the borders. There was no need to worry because Force Captain Octavia had pulled back most soldiers from the area. 
 </p><p>
They were needed for the invasion, their next big step in overtaking Etheria. Lonnie could care less about the Horde’s plans but as a Force Captain, she needed to know what was going on in the Fright Zone. This made finding Catra more difficult than it should but the squad was working to the best of their ability with the time and resources they had. The search was moving slower than they anticipated but none of them was giving up.
 </p><p>
Since there was nothing she could do except wait until her shift was done, Lonnie decided to check in with Scorpia. The scorpion had been away a long time and Lonnie could tell Octavia was getting antsy which was not a good thing. She tapped her Force Captain badge, “Report in, Force Captain Scorpia. Have you found the recordings yet?”
 </p><p>
No one answered, static filling her ears as she waited for a response. Scorpia must still be busy. Lonnie continued on her way, patrolling the halls and making sure everyone was doing their duty. There was no room for slackers at this moment in the war and Hordak would have their heads if his plans went wrong because of them, including her head as well.
 </p><p>
Hours passed and there was no word from Scorpia at all. It was suspicious so Lonnie decided to pop by Scorpia’s room in case the girl was there. 
 </p><p>
“Hey Scorpia, did you-” Lonnie paused, glancing around the almost empty bedroom. Pictures and drawings were missing, ripped off from the wall. Her eyes drifted down to the note on Scorpia’s bed. Next to it was Scorpia’s Force Captain badge which lighted up now and again, muffled words echoing. The plush scorpion sat next to it and Lonnie bent down to pick the note up, laying it out flat on the bed. She drops down, her eyes scanning the letter for answers. 
 </p><p>
It’s simple, written in a very Scorpia way. The contents, though, are about Scorpia defecting, which is not something that Lonnie would expect her to do. Lonnie shouldn’t be surprised though. Defecting seemed to be a common pattern in the past years. First, Adora who Lonnie never thought would leave. The perfect soldier, the golden child now the sign of hope for the Rebellion. Then Catra who lasted longer than Lonnie would have in Catra’s situation. Survival was just something Catra was good at, the only thing that came naturally to her other than her leadership skills. 
 </p><p>
Finally, Scorpia and Entrapta who made the Horde not seem as dark as it is. Scorpia wasn’t loyal to the Horde, they were the reason her family and home were gone but she was loyal to her friends and if her friends defected, so would she. Lonnie wants to get out of the Horde as much as they do. Shadow Weaver may have picked on Adora and Catra the most but that didn’t mean Lonnie didn’t live a tough life as well. The Horde was a shitty place and she often wondered how the Horde got this far. People were loyal out of fear, not love and if they got a chance to leave, they would take it. 
 </p><p>
Lonnie couldn’t defect, not yet. Not without Kyle and Rogelio and they can’t live off of rations for months as Catra can. There were three of them and with the way trouble likes to follow Kyle, they would lose all their food in weeks if not days. She has to find Catra, not only so they can be friends again but so they can defect with her. Like she mentioned before, Catra has a knack for surviving after all those years being tormented under Shadow Weaver. If anyone can beat Kyle’s bad luck combined with whatever was in the Whispering Woods, it was Catra.
 </p><p>
She had mixed feelings about Catra, though, because apparently, Entrapta didn’t defect to the Rebellion. Instead, she had been taken to Beast Island on Catra’s orders. Lonnie was confused about how to feel because she didn’t know why Catra would do that. Something happened between Adora and Catra during the portal, Lonnie felt it in her gut. Perhaps Catra noticed that Adora would never come back, not even for her, or that this wasn’t a childish game, this was war. Catra noticed something, though, because she wasn’t focused on bringing Adora back anymore. Instead, Catra was making harsher plans with bigger consequences not to just prove herself but to make others suffer. And if they got in her way, she made sure they never would again.
 </p><p>
Did this new information make her think less of Catra? Unfortunately, yes it did because Lonnie was scared that if Catra hadn’t defected, Catra would have done things she would reject later on. If she could send Entrapta away because she got in her way, what else would she have done? Was this going to stop her looking for Catra? The answer was no. Catra was afraid too, that people would leave her like Adora did so she pushed them away first. Lonnie had once been on the receiving end of Catra’s love when their relationship had escalated into young love. Lonnie had ended it though because she knew when they kissed, Catra was thinking of someone else. It wasn’t hard to guess who. 
 </p><p>
So Lonnie knew from experience that Catra was capable of passion and love but the war had pushed her into believing love was weakness, especially after Adora defected and Catra realized she wasn’t enough for her to return. Lonnie had to show Catra that she was enough and hopefully the squad could bring back Catra’s true self. She would be fine staying here in the Horde for a little longer because she had Rogelio and Kyle. They would help her find Catra. 
 </p><p>
The good news from all this was she no longer has to worry about the notes on the portal because Scorpia was going to search for Entrapta with the Rebellion. It would be hard to explain but Scorpia would fit in with the Rebellion. Once Entrapta was found, she could help Catra. For now, Lonnie would use what information she had and what she could infer from it to help. The one thing she knew for sure was that Catra needed to know her friends cared for her and that the road to destruction wasn’t the right path. 
 </p><p>
Catra deserved a second chance.
 </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
__________________________________<br/>
</p>
</div><p>
“You’ve lost the missing princess already?” 
 </p><p>
Adolphine sighs, bowing her head to her mother, “Catra escaped into the Whispering Woods. She used the crown to get through the barrier. We can still catch up to her if you send a search party out.”
 </p><p>
Irma hums, staring out the door behind Adolphine before turning to her advisor for help who was standing next to the throne. Her dad had left because he was needed elsewhere so it was just her against her mum. She sighed, wishing her dad was here because then she might have had a chance.
 </p><p>
“I believe, your Highness, that this child is a Horde spy. She planned to pretend to be hurt to get help from us and since she is one of ours, we brought her in. Then she pretends to return the crown and runs away with it so that we know the Horde has the crown and we chase after her, bringing us into the open where they can fight us easier.” The advisor explains, “Of course, it seems she did not know she was the princess which is why she seemed to panic. She succeeded in her part of her plan though since she got away with the crown.”
 </p><p>
“If that was her plan in the first place.” Adolphine adds, glaring at the old, grey-haired advisor.”
 </p><p>
“Oh shush, Adolphine. That is no way to speak to the Royal Advisor.” Queen Irma shuts her down, “I agree that we should not waste our efforts going after someone who claims to be the heir.”
 </p><p>
Adolphine growls, snapping. “Catra is the heir! She can wear the crown so she is the princess and so the heir to the throne!” She yells at her mother. 
 </p><p>
Her mother just rolls her eyes at her antics, “Why do we need her when we have you? You are perfectly capable of being our next queen. Besides we have survived this long without the crown, it is not needed.” 
 </p><p>
“Maybe I don’t wanna be queen,” Adolphine mumbles under her breath. 
 </p><p>
Queen Irma stares down at her daughter, “What was that?”
 </p><p>
“Maybe you're just mad because you can’t use the crown anymore and Catra can. She’d be a better queen then you ever were! And I’m going to go find her whether you like it or not!” Adolphine says, raising her voice. 
 </p><p>
“Silence!” Queen Irma narrows her eyes, “You are not permitted to leave Halfmoon, it’s too dangerous for you to be out there.” Her face softens, “I don’t want to lose you as well.”
 </p><p>
Adolphine pleads, “But she’s one of us. Catra’s family, she’s my sister.”
 </p><p>
“Enough, Adolphine. This is not up for discussion. My decision is final.” Queen Irma states.
 </p><p>
“This is unfair! We need Catra! She is-” 
 </p><p>
Irma interrupts her protests, her voice cold as she orders, “Go Adolphine, we will discuss your behaviour at dinner. Guards, show her the way out.” 
 </p><p>
Adolphine nods mutely, hanging her head in defeat as she is led out by a couple of guards. The palace doors shut close behind her and she huffs, straightening herself out and marches down the steps with a new mission. Her mother may have given up on Catra but she has not. Besides, she’s been through worse situations and she’s prepared for whatever the Horde, or Catra, may throw at her. Smirking, she makes her way through the town towards the back alleys.
 </p><p>
It was time she visited a few friends. 

 </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
__________________________________<br/>
</p>
</div><p> 
When Catra woke up again, a few hours had passed and the sun was lower in the sky. It was close to sunset and Catra realised she had no plan on what to do next. She had planned to eventually return to the Horde but Hordak had probably already had her replaced and forgotten about her by now so what was the point of going back. Then she found Halfmoon, a place where she belonged and she could start anew. Except she had to have brought their stupid crown which revealed she was their lost princess or some crap like that. Why couldn’t she have thrown the mask away with the rest of her stuff?
 </p><p>
Madame Razz had to have known this. She had all that information about Halfmoon and Catra had just walked in wearing their crown. What was even worse was that meant Queen C'yra must have known as well since Catra showed her the mask she had. Was that why she was the only one who could return the crown? Not because she had it in the first place but because she was the heir to the throne. It’s not like they wanted her anyway, their queen seemed upset when Catra didn’t get burnt by it. 
 </p><p>
She wished Madame Razz was here to explain this all to her even if she was a crazy old lady who got her mistaken with Queen C'yra. She wished she could stay in Halfmoon with Adolphine and Laura and Maia and everyone else. She wished Scorpia and Lonnie were here to cheer her up. She wished Entrapta wasn’t off in Beast Island slowly going insane and that she was still in the Horde. She wished Adora was here too but when didn’t she? Didn’t she do all this to get Adora back, wasn’t everything she has ever done in her life for Adora? She wished she could start over, she wished, she wished, she wished. 
 </p><p>
Eventually, the sun disappeared from the sky, leaving a pitch-black sky in its place. What was she going to do now? She had no place to stay. Catra could walk back to the village and stay there but she knew deep down the Horde would destroy the village sooner or later. That was the same as every other Rebellion or neutral village on Etheria. She couldn’t sleep here in the woods anyway, she wasn’t tired. 
 </p><p>
Already bored and out of ideas, Catra stood up and stretched her limbs. Walking around the Whispering Woods at night seemed like a bad idea but staying in one, vulnerable spot seemed worse if another giant horned beast showed up. She didn’t make it far, of course, before she tripped over a tree root and tumbled down a hill. Her head wasn’t hit hard luckily, just a few scratches here and there, though her eyesight was a little blurry when she reached the bottom and finally sat up to look around.
 </p><p>
“Oh, C'yra deary, what are you doing out here?” 
 </p><p>
Catra’s eyes widened as she glanced up, “Madame… Madame Razz?” 
 </p><p>
It was in fact Madame Razz, her bushy light purple hair tied back in a bun and her glasses resting low on her nose. Madame Razz tutted at the sight of her sitting on the forest floor with twigs in her wild hair and her clothes scratched and dirty. The old lady helped her stand up and passed her the broom in her hand which Catra stared at confused until she realised it was for her to lean on. 
 </p><p>
“Come on, let’s get inside where it's warm and you can tell me what’s been going on.” 
 </p><p>
Rubbing her eyes to make sure this wasn’t all a dream, she hesitantly follows Madame Razz, “How, how am I here?” 
 </p><p>
Madame Razz frowns at her, “What do you mean? You rolled down that hill over there in the pitch black. Are you sure you’re alright? Your head doesn’t hurt?” 
 </p><p>
“No, no, I mean,” Catra shakes her head before sighing, “Nevermind.”
 </p><p>
The cottage was the same as the last time she was there and she spotted it from a mile away from the bright lanterns hung outside. Catra wondered how she didn’t notice it on her way to Halfmoon. Perhaps it was a magical cottage, it was in the middle of the Whispering Woods after all. There was no smell of freshly made bread this time when they entered but there was a pie sitting on the kitchen counter though it looked like it had been sitting there a few hours. 
 </p><p>
“Now, how was your time in Halfmoon? It’s a surprise to see you back here so early. Surely your job as Queen would keep you busy.” Madame Razz sits her down on the couch and hands her a hot cup of some liquid. Catra squints at it but chugs it down anyways only to spit it back out at what Madame Razz says. 
</p><p>
“Queen?” WIping her mouth of the liquid, she stares at Madame Razz wondering why she thought this crazy lady could help her, “I’ve just gotten told I’m their princess and I ran away, they wouldn’t even want me as their queen after that.”
 </p><p>
Madame Razz seems confused at her answer before her eyes brighten, “Ohhh. Well then, I’m sure they will forgive you. Besides if you’re going to run away, you must want to return their crown then.” The lady points to the crown still resting on Catra’s head. She yanks it off and plops it onto the seat. 
 </p><p>
“And if you’re going to do that, you might as well return this to them as well.” A blue gem is thrown at her and Catra catches it mid-air and holds it in between two claws, inspecting what it is. She eyes the crown on the couch next to her and notices the gem is in the same shape as the holes on the crown. A story about a moon goddess and a queen comes to mind, “Is this-?”
 </p><p>
“I see you recognize it.” Madame Razz grins. “This is the blue gem, it doesn’t have a proper name but you may know it as Elara’s gem, the one that formed when she died. It is paired with the clear gem which was formed when the giant cat, her second form, died as well. The two gems are now used to help the queen keep her magic in control when she shifts into her second form, the giant cat. The blue gem helps stabilize her magic while also clearing your mind free of any emotions or thoughts.”
 </p><p>
The clear gem controls the giant cat while also making sure the giant cat and your mind are separate. If they mix, it may be hard to shift back to your normal form. Though before these gems existed, there used to be a meditation spell that helped clear your mind and shift between forms easily and bonded the two forms as one whole which was used by Queen Elara when she first got the crown. She stopped after a while which is how the giant cat took control over her. It’s no longer used now since the gems exist.” 
 </p><p>
Catra ponders this new information, staring at the small gem in her hand. “Why don’t they still use the meditation spell if it works?” 
 </p><p>
“Some people don’t like the idea of letting their second form into their head and after the incident with Queen Elara, people are scared it will happen to them. Of course, what they don’t realise is that their second form is part of them. When they were given magic by the moon goddess Luna, it opened their magic channels and allowed the moon crystal’s magic to flow through. This enabled them to unlock their second form. But when people shift, they turn into their more wild side and thoughts that they kept hidden show up to the surface. To keep a steady mind, a meditation spell was created.” 
 </p><p>
“But… if all those thoughts the giant cat was giving Queen Elara were her own, she had been thinking the whole time about gaining more power!” Catra exclaimed. 
 </p><p>
“It’s more complicated than that, C'yra. Those thoughts were normal in her mind, she wanted power to help her people, to protect them and her second form said those thoughts and turned it into something more intense, about stealing others magic. Queen Elara was very emotional, she was trying to run a kingdom while also dealing with new magic and the loss of a friend, Luna. Perhaps if she had kept using the mediation magic or if she had been someone else, the incident would never have happened.” Madame Razz sighs, staring off into the distance, her mind in a different place. 
 </p><p>
Catra’s eyebrows crease, deep in thought. Her mind was a mess trying to comprehend all that Madame Razz had just told her. The two gems that fit into the crown, the ones talked about briefly in the story of The Moon Goddess and Queen Elara. The people of Halfmoon praised the gems and talked about how they saved Queen Elara from going corrupt and destroying their kingdom, mad for power. 
 </p><p>
Yet the gems kept two halves from being whole. It did the job for the Magicats instead of them focusing on themselves first. Wasn’t it dangerous to go through a magical shift into your second form with mixed feelings and a busy mind? The queen was depending on these gems but now without them, what would come of their people? Would they forever fear their second form without some sort of comfort that they could control it instead of embracing it?
 </p><p>
“Can you teach me this, um, meditation spell?” 
 </p><p>
“I’m sure you already know it, C'yra, as you are a queen,” Madame Razz examines Catra carefully, “or <i>will</i> be one. But I can’t,” Madame Razz shakes her head, “I may be living in a world of magic but I’m afraid that is where my magic ends.” 
 </p><p>
Madame Razz doesn’t continue with their conversation but reaches for a large, familiar book from a shelf behind her and hands it to Catra, “Perhaps Queen C'yra can help you, though. I do remember an old friend telling me that all queens of Halfmoon were required to learn this meditation spell. You might as well learn it too if you are going to be the next queen of Halfmoon.”
 </p><p>
“I’m not.” Catra snarls and calms down, gripping the book tightly, “But, thank you.”
 </p><p>
A sincere smile spreads across Madame Razz’s face, “You’re welcome, dearie. I do think you will make a fine queen one day, C'yra.”
 </p><p>
Catra bites down a protest along with an insult to the old lady’s intelligence and opens the book, once again flooded by a white light. The cottage and Madame Razz vanish and in its place appears Queen C'yra. She is still in her armour though, she’ll always be because those are the clothes she died in. Now Catra can recognize the blue and silver as the royal colours of Halfmoon that Adolphine pointed out to her before. It is not the queen's colours and Catra wonders if that was to disguise herself as a regular soldier. 
 </p><p>
“What are you doing here, Catra?” 
 </p><p>
“Queen C’yra,” Catra’s face is blank, “Did you know I was the missing princess?”
 </p><p>
The hologram flickers for a moment before Queen C’yra sighs, “Yes, I did know. From the moment you appeared before me, I knew you were the heir. It is in your eyes.” 
 </p><p>
“And you didn’t think to tell me! I thought I was going to Halfmoon to start a new, simple life and suddenly I’m the heir to a kingdom I didn’t know excited a week ago!” Catra shouts, all her pent up anger bursting from its cage. 
 </p><p>
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Queen C’yra says and Catra steps back, shocked. She did not expect C’yra to apologize for this so quickly. “I should have told you but I was worried you would go back to the Horde if you knew. I couldn’t endanger my people. I know that you are upset but your destiny is bigger than you think.”
 </p><p>
Catra growls, “Madame Razz told me that I choose my destiny, not the other way around. This ‘destiny’ you're talking about, I don’t want it.” 
 </p><p>
Queen C’yra takes a deep breath, pinching the bridge of her nose, “This is a matter of life or death, Catra. You can do what you want to shape your destiny but the universe has already decided. You can’t run from this.” 
 </p><p>
The young Magicat only rolls her eyes, “Whatever. I didn’t come here to argue with you. I wanted to ask you to teach me the meditation spell that Queen Elara used to use.” 
 </p><p>
The queen’s eyes widened, “Oh. Of course. Sit down, get comfortable. This may take a while.” 
 </p><p>
She does, the ground is surprisingly soft. 
 </p><p>
“Close your eyes and focus on your breathing.” 
 </p><p>
Her eyes shut.
 </p><p>
“In.”
 </p><p>
She feels her magic coursing through her veins.
 </p><p>
“Out.”
 </p><p>
It wraps around her body but it feels comforting which from her past experience with magic, is strange.
 </p><p>
“Imagine you’re in a field and there is a steady stream of water.”
 </p><p>
The Whispering Woods materializes around her and the only noise is a river flowing. It’s peaceful. Here, nothing else matters. There’s no war or threat of death or princesses or destinies.
 </p><p>
“Now, take all your thoughts and worries and one by one, put them onto a leaf in the water and watch them float away, leaving your mind.” 
 </p><p>
<i>War.</i> The thing her life has revolved around since she was a baby. The Horde had trained her to be a soldier and to fight for them and now that was all gone. Everything she had worked for. She thought that was her destiny, to rise to the top and conquer Etheria and prove she wasn’t just a sidekick but an equal. A long time ago, she thought her destiny was to be by Adora’s side forever. 
 </p><p>
Now she could do what she wanted without the Horde or Adora telling her what to do. 
 </p><p>
She put it on a leaf and watched it float her. She felt lighter. 
 </p><p>
More and more thoughts and worries floated away from her mind- being left behind, <i>Adora,</i> Shadow Weaver coming back, death, <i>Adora,</i> Scorpia and Lonnie forgetting her, her destiny, letting people down.
 </p><p>
“Good. Finally, open your soul and let the magic enter your mind.”
 </p><p>
Something is stopping her. Something in the back of her mind that’s been there for so long, always nagging her. The fear that when she opens up to others, people will realise she’s a monster. They’ll see her as another wild animal that needs to be put down like all other feral creatures. That she’s nothing. 
 </p><p>
Panic rises in her and her breathing quickens. Everyone will leave, just like Adora. If she returns to Halfmoon, they’ll treat her as less and Adolphine will soon find out she’s a monster. But she won't be able to leave because she is the heir to the throne and she’ll be trapped in Halfmoon for the rest of her life and that will be her destiny until she dies. 
 </p><p>
“STOP!” Catra screams and rips herself from her magic, panting as she opens her eyes. 
 </p><p>
Queen C’yra is trying to calm her down but Catra won’t listen. She stands up, her legs shaky, “I won’t be your queen. I won’t live the rest of my life in isolation. I’m, I’m a terrible person, you don’t want me as your queen.”
 </p><p>
“Is that what you’re afraid of?” Queen C’yra asks and Catra doesn’t even have to nod for C’yra to know her answer, “Your destiny isn’t to be the next queen of Halfmoon. Your destiny is far from that. Halfmoon needs you. My sister believes that our kingdom is vulnerable and is safe if we keep hiding. She needs you to help Halfmoon rise up so that the war can finally end.
 </p><p>
“A few days, when we first met, you asked why it had to be you to return the crown. It is not because I knew you were the princess but because you were stubborn and the only one who could put an end to this war and save our people. The journey you will go on is hard and painful but there is no one else more suited for it than you. I cannot explain in great detail why the universe chose you but your destiny is not narrow-minded. You might not be able to choose your destiny this time but you can shape it.” 
 </p><p>
Catra wipes a tear off her face, sniffling, “How do I know I’m not becoming like Queen Elara when she went out of control? How does a monster stop being a monster?” 
 </p><p>
“When you love it.” Queen C’yra hands the book to Catra and Catra knows their time is coming to an end, “There is still much for you to learn, about Halfmoon and yourself. Do not forget that you deserve love too.” 
 </p><p>
“Thank you, C’yra.” 
 </p><p>
Queen C’yra caresses the side of the child’s face in one hand, “No, thank you.” 
 </p><p>
The book is closed and Catra is brought back to Madame Razz’s cottage. Looking outside the window, she finds it is morning. Sunlight streams into the hut and she turns to see Madame Razz taking out another pie from the oven, setting it on the table. The one from the night before is gone. 
 </p><p>
“Ah! I was wondering when you would return. Find what you were looking for?” There is a sparkle in Madame Razz’s eyes that tells Catra that the old lady already knows. 
 </p><p>
“Yes, I did. Was I gone the whole night?” Catra asks. It couldn’t have been more than five minutes that she was with Queen C’yra but maybe time in magic books works differently. 
 </p><p>
Madame Razz nods, “Yes but do not worry, Irma will be waiting for you when you leave.” 
 </p><p>
Catra frowns, “You mentioned Irma last night as well. Do you mean Queen Irma?” 
 </p><p>
The old lady only laughs, “Ha! Now that was a good joke, C’yra. It seems you’ve been practising. Now you better get going, wouldn’t want to be late.” 
 </p><p>
“Late for what?” 
 </p><p>
Madame Razz does not answer but instead hands her a small pouch. Catra peeks inside and sees the blue gem sitting in it. She has no pockets so she grips it tightly in her fist. Madame Razz gently pushes her to the blanket serving as a makeshift door. But before Catra leaves, she turns back around to face Madame Razz.
 </p><p>
“Queen C’yra told me that I can’t choose my destiny but I can shape it, but you say we can choose our destiny for ourselves. What do I believe?” All this talk about destiny was making her more confused, Catra didn’t even believe in destiny but it seemed she was going to have to.
 </p><p>
“Catra,” Madame Razz places a thin hand on Catra’s, “Your destiny has been decided for a long time, the end will always be the same but how you get there, that is what changes. You can choose what you do next but it will lead to the same conclusion. No matter what you do, the universe will make sure you go in the right direction but to do so, you need to know which way is the right one for you as well.” 
 </p><p>
“I do not know when I will see you next. Do not forget what I have told you. You deserve the best, dearie and remember, it is okay to still be figuring out who you are but do not let others decide that for you. You are the only one who can.” 
 </p><p>
Nodding, Catra makes a quick decision and wraps her arms around the old lady. Madame Razz laughs and pats the Magicat on the back. When Catra lets go, there’s a smile on her face and Madame Razz is smiling back. It’s a quick goodbye after that and a promise to visit from Catra. To be honest, Catra isn’t sure what to do now. She never really had a long-term plan before accidentally finding Madame Razz either. Madame Razz had mentioned a person by the name of Irma, though it wasn’t Queen Irma. 
 </p><p>
Pushing the thoughts away, she decided to hike up the hill she fell down yesterday. Catra still had to give the crown back to Halfmoon before she headed on her way to who knows where. The realisation as well that she had no water or food or even a weapon to defend herself with. All she had was the clothes on her back that now smelled a bit from wearing them for three days straight, the small pouch with the blue gem, the crown on her head and her claws. 
 </p><p>
Catra figured she had to return the blue gem as well, it belonged with the crown so it would be a bit selfish if she kept the gem for herself. A part of her thought that she should keep it. Madame Razz said their purpose, keeping the queen separate from her second form and keeping her under control, wouldn’t work if you did not have both gems. Queen Irma wouldn’t be able to use the blue gem anyways so why did it matter if she gave it back or not?
 </p><p>
Before she could decide what she should do with the gem, Catra runs into something in her way, too distracted by her thoughts. Unsurprisingly, this was not an uncommon thing for Catra to do. She stumbles back from the impact, wincing as she rubs her head. The glare Catra had ready to use at whatever she had bumped into fades away when she stares into green and blue eyes. A tail swishes back and forth ever so slightly and it’s not hers. 
 </p><p>
“Catra! I knew I’d find you!” 
 </p><p>
Her brain cuts out, trying to process how this is possible. “Adolphine? How are you here?”
</p><p>
Beaming as if seeing Catra is the best thing in the world which Catra knows is not. “Oh, well I called up a favour from a few friends that were able to use their ranks as hunters to get me through the barrier! And then it wasn’t too hard to find you. You aren’t even more than half a mile into the Whispering Woods.”  
 </p><p>
“Why though,” Catra asks, still processing all of this, “You don’t want me as your heir, this was all a mistake. Just… leave me alone. <i>Please.</i>”
 </p><p>
Adolphine has a heartbreaking expression on her face and Catra can’t tell if it's pity or sympathy but Catra does not like it. She backs up, teeth bared but Adolphine doesn’t make any move to run back to Halfmoon. That’s when she realised that while Adolphine may be a princess by blood, her personality isn’t the same which is a relief and a pain because thank god she isn’t a goody-two-shoes princess who loves everyone. But unfortunately, her snark didn’t work so well on Adolphine and Catra didn’t know how to take down a princess who wasn’t all glitter and friendship. 
 </p><p>
“Look Catra, before you showed up, I was next in line for the throne. You’d think that would be great but it’s not. When my mum had you, she fell in love and knew that you would be an amazing daughter and queen. And then you were captured and all my mum had was me and my dad. My mum tries not to but every time I do something that should make her proud, it's as if she is imagining you in my place instead. If I do something wrong, she makes comments on how her first-born would never do something like that. And now, you’re here and you are nothing like how mum imagined you.” 
 </p><p>
“Sorry to disappoint,” Catra bristles, her fur standing on end. 
 </p><p>
The other Magicat’s laughs softly, “No, no, this is great. It’s made me realise that if you’re not perfect, then I don’t have to be either. Even before I found out that you are my sister, I thought you were special and I wanted to be your friend. I didn’t come out to try and make you come back because you don’t have to. But you’re always welcome. Halfmoon is officially your home so no one is stopping you from coming back. And if you do, you don’t have to be our ‘heir to the throne’. It’s just nice to know that we do have things in common like we’re both messes and we both don’t like what our future is supposed to be.” 
 </p><p>
Catra takes a deep breath before glancing up from the floor, staring right into Adolphine’s blue and green eyes. “If I ran away right now, would you come with me?” 
 </p><p>
“I, uh, what?”
 </p><p>
“You just said you don’t like your destiny, that you don’t fit into the mould your mum has made for you. So what’s stopping you from running away?”
 </p><p>
Adolphine sighs, rubbing the back of her neck and responds, “It’s not that simple. Do I not want to be queen? Yes. Do I have a choice? No. I may hate being heir to the throne and being stuck with knowing I can never satisfy my mother's wants but it’s my duty. There’s no one else who can do it.” 
 </p><p>
“Except me.”
 </p><p>
She nods. “Except you, but you don’t want to be queen so it has to be me.” 
 </p><p>
Catra turns to face Adolphine. “If I came back, would I be in chains?”
 </p><p>
“Huh?” Adolphine’s eyes widened, taken back by Catra’s question, “Well, um, my mum may be displeased with my decisions to run after you and to bring you back but I’ll speak to her. But no, you won’t be our prisoner.”
 </p><p>
“Food and shelter provided?”
 </p><p>
“Yep.” 
 </p><p>
“Then you’ve got a deal.” Catra sticks out a hand.
 </p><p>
Adolphine takes it, gripping it firmly. “It was that easy? Just food and shelter?”
 </p><p>
“I’m not going to be your queen though, I don’t want that right now… but someone once told me that I can’t choose my destiny but I can shape it. So, I might as well stay in Halfmoon. It’s not like I have anywhere else to go.” 
 </p><p>
She nods, “That’s some pretty wise stuff. Who told you that?”
 </p><p>
“Just some old lady called Madame Razz. She lives in the woods. That’s where I was just a few minutes ago. She seems to randomly appear when I need advice.”
 </p><p>
“Madame Razz? She’s still around?” Adolphine asks, “My mum and aunt used to be good friends with her when they were younger. Apparently, they used to get mistaken for us a lot. That’s where I got the inspiration for my chosen name.”
 </p><p>
Catra isn’t that surprised at this information. There must have been a reason why Madame Razz had a hologram of Queen C’yra and not Halfmoon. She just didn’t realise Queen Irma also knew Madame Razz. As Adolphine rambled on about mischief young Queen C’yra would do with Madame Razz and all the recipes young Queen Irma learnt from Madame Razz, how Madame Razz was like a mother to the two royals, Catra pondered about something that stood out to her. 
 </p><p>
Madame Razz said someone by the name of Irma was waiting for her but Adolphine was there instead. And Madame Razz kept calling her C’yra as well. She said she was C’yra but maybe it was just old age getting to her. Was Madame Razz confusing her and Adolphine for their mum and aunt, C’yra and Irma? Adolphine did say that C’yra and Irma got mistaken for them as well so it wouldn’t be pushing it to say Madame Razz was doing the same with them now. 
 </p><p>
Adolphine pestering Catra on what her life was like in the Horde, seeking for more imperfection in Catra which just made Adolphine like her more, broke her out of her thoughts. Later she could think about all of this and try to make sense of it. She could think about what her destiny actually was and what the universe had in store for her. What consequences she would be facing, going back into Halfmoon and meeting the queen once again.  For now, Catra could savour the moment- her hand brushing against Adolphine’s, Adolphine yapping away and Catra answering back, the sun glaring down at them. 
 </p><p>
For the first time in a while, Catra felt truly at home.

 </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
__________________________________<br/>
</p>
</div><p>
<i>“We’re here, Razz!” </i>
 </p><p>
<i>“Catra, Adolphine come in, dearies. Madame Razz has made moon-berry pie for us all!” </i>
 </p><p>
<i>“Oh no, Madame Razz is having another identity crisis.” </i>
 </p><p>
<i>“Shush you, Madame Razz is an old lady. Be nice.”</i>
</p><p>
<i>“I wasn’t saying it was bad!”</i>
</p><p>
<i>“It was in your tone.”</i>
 </p><p>
<i>“Oh! Girls do come in. Why are you standing in the doorway?”</i>
 </p><p>
<i>“It’s me, Razz, Irma and this is C’yra.”</i>
 </p><p>
<i>“How many times do we got to tell you old woman that we’re not whoever this ‘Catra’ and ‘Adolphine’ are?” </i>
 </p><p>
<i>“C’yra!”</i>
 </p><p>
<i>“Forgive me, dears, my mind isn’t as young as it used to be. Come sit you two, we can’t let this pie go to waste.”</i>
 </p><p>
<i>“I don’t really like-”</i>
 </p><p>
<i>“Thank you Razz, it’s quite alright. We see how much you adore this Catra and Adolphine and besides, they’re quite nice names so I don’t mind, but who are they, Razz?”</i>
 </p><p>
<i>“Yeah, they’re from the future right, the other timeline you visit? What do they do that’s so important that they got to meet good old Madame Razz?”</i>
 </p><p>
 
<i>“....They are going to save the universe.” </i>
 
 
 </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
______________________________________<br/>
</p>
</div><p>
<i>I knew I’d curse you for the longest time</i><br/>
<i>Chasin’ shadows in the grocery line</i><br/>
<i>I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired</i><br/>
<i>And you’d be standin’ in my front porch light </i><br/>
<i>And I knew you’d come back to me</i><br/>
<i>You’d come back to me</i><br/>
<i>And you’d come back to me</i><br/>
<i>And you’d come back </i><br/>
</p><p>
<i>And when I felt like I was an old cardigan</i><br/>
<i>Under someone’s bed</i><br/>
<i>You put me on and said I was your favourite</i><br/>
</p><p>
<i>- cardigan by Taylor Swift </i><br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>AHHHHHHH</p><p>I am so sorry for leaving you guys for so long! I had this terrible writers block and I was working on an original story. I decided to get this done though and I hope you enjoy this. Btw, this hasn't been edited very well and no one checks it for me so yeah. </p><p>Lonnie's pov is super random. So to clear things up- the squad didn't know Entrapta was sent to Beast Island or that Catra did that. So Lonnie is like 'wow, she a bitch' but then she realises that she isn't going to stop finding Catra bc she knows Catra has good in her. Also, I so believe that Lonnie and Catra had some sort of fling or relationship at some point.</p><p>I hope my bad explaination of the blue and clear (yellow for Catra) gems is okay and clears things up. The meditation thing was added at the last moment and I really hate it but I think it is neccessary to show Catra's redemption throughout the story. </p><p>Also I'm sorry that Queen Irma seems like a jerk, it's just because she is scared that Adolphine will get taken along with Halfmoon. Once Catra proves herself, Irma will be much more motherly. </p><p>Any questions, pls ask!</p><p>Gabby :)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you everyone for reading this! Originally, this had to be posted because it was a draft and it would have been deleted. This wasn't going to be my main priority but that went wrong and now I realise that this fic could be something okay if I tried. So i am.</p><p>She-ra s5 was amazing!!! Anyways, it had catra redemption and CATRADORA! So that was perfect. This fanfic will go into s5 because i need to change it so it has the princess stuff. </p><p>Note: This fanfic started April 24th (i think) so this was before s5 so it is starting in s4.  </p><p>Bye!</p><p>Gabby</p></blockquote></div></div>
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